Sandstone Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I am glad to be taking a break from my programming today. My head is literally hazy, I think I've been stressing myself out trying to get product output to impress and make sure this project actually could make money if it is eventually marketed. So last night I was literally lying in bed with racing thoughts, it's a bad symptom of Bipolar Disorder where your brain won't shut off and you have a large variety of ideas running through your thoughts but unable to express them accurately. It's extremely distracting. Perhaps I will have my workout this evening and sleep okay for the first time this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 yer not on meds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 I am on meds, they don't alleviate all my symptoms though 100%. You don't have some recurring symptoms while on meds? Also I might be on a lighter regiment than you now... I was taken off of 3 of my medication and switched to just 2 + and ass needed sleeping and anxiety aid about 6 months ago. I actually feel better on average though. It turns out that I had significant genetic interactions with three things I was on out of the 5 I was taking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cau Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I wanna sleep okay tonight too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 I wanna sleep okay tonight too Let's cuddle bro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cau Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I don't cuddle before marriage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I am on meds, they don't alleviate all my symptoms though 100%. You don't have some recurring symptoms while on meds? just depression during the end of the year and sometimes bad anxiety Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 just depression during the end of the year and sometimes bad anxiety fuggnificent[/member] This too, I experience some other things though but they are much less worse than unmedicated. Racing thoughts is one of those. They are not unbearable though, and also happen mostly when I am stressed out or working on something for a long period. I don't think the OCD helps with that either.... I was originally hospitalized for the first time back in 2012 when I was diagnosed with OCD, which was a few months after I had been put on the first antipsychotic for Bipolar type 2. My psychiatrist was concerned I was going to mutilate or kill myself. This was also around the time I finally came out to my parents. I was having a nervous breakdown and didn't sleep for almost two weeks (there were brief microsleeps but nothing else), the Doctor told me I had OCD and bad obsessive thoughts and behaviors (like contamination anxiety, obsessive knuckle cracking, checking doors and containers I already know are shut or locked many times) in addition to racing thoughts. They had to put up all the knives and chemicals in our house after I returned home finally... cause I kept obsessively thinking about and also envisioning myself cutting myself with them, slipping on them, or otherwise being harmed by them, or ingesting the chemicals. Luckily I'm on a much better set of meds finally and haven't had anything bad like that happen for about a year now, though I still experience panic attacks sometimes when in public, racing or obsessive thoughts (uncommon stress induced), and very light depression periods. I don't experience hypomania or any of the other more severe shit though that is seriously life-threatening or dangerous to anyone else while taking meds regularly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Also sorry for making this thread go real dark and cray cray real fast. Did not mean for this to be downer material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Same shit going on for me. I havent done any kind of programming in a while though. I know how that can make your head spin fast.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Same shit going on for me. I havent done any kind of programming in a while though. I know how that can make your head spin fast.. It's my passion, but as I stated before, my brain does not operate the way most people's brains operate and the longer I focus on something the more intense and obsessive I get with it. This can be really great for quality and/or rate of progress depending on the circumstances or allow me to hone in on problems others would take longer to solve, but it is also not great for my mental clarity, mood, or anxiety to go to far.... OCD can really focus you one a particular thing obsessively and Bipolar can sometimes make you a bit more creative and think in unusual ways, but those aren't necessarily always good things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professah Tex Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 That's about the same way I am. Trying to constantly push the bar on the rap I make gets me like that. Also working commission.. which is responsible for my current state I guess, but from my experience most people that do any kind of programming have to be kind of passionate about it or their skills go out the window.. I'd like to work my way back into stuff like that at some point, but def. not now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Thankfully I actually slept well and long last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lasty Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Try an LSD :pumpkin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Yeah I'm pretty sure my brain doesn't need to be more fucked up than it already is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lasty Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Yeah I'm pretty sure my brain doesn't need to be more fucked up than it already is. It doesn't always work like that... O_O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandstone Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Yeah it does, in addition to the normal risk of permanent damage from LSD, it would especially not good to mix that with my Bipolar disorder or the meds I take to treat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lasty Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Yeah it does, in addition to the normal risk of permanent damage from LSD, it would especially not good to mix that with my Bipolar disorder or the meds I take to treat it. I'm speaking from personal experience, here, so I can't refute your scepticism effectively based on anecdotal evidence without asking if you could refer me to the totally un-biased and thorough studies that prove it always does? What I was saying, (half jokingly) is that it could be an effective replacement for shitty pharmaceuticals. I've seen it work wonders for people, but you have to be educated about it and not treat it like some party favour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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