EmpressAngel

Finished season 2 and my biggest gripe is that they made Kureha way too hot. How am I supposed to focus on the story when I'm thinking about Dommy Mommy Doctor beating the shit out of me and then nursing me back to health- I mean, yeah the season was good. I sobbed like a bitch through all of Chopper's backstory.

I know I already made this joke but I really should have been more specific when I asked that genie to show me Seitz's character's cock. Rooster- That day, humanity received a grim reminder. I'd leave that kid and that's why I'll never be a parent. COCKADOODLEDO, BITCH. I love the clucking sound effect in the background when he talks. I am already bought in. Wow, graphic cock action right on my screen. This is fantastic. I'd follow this chicken into hell. KIDS NO! Wcdonalds sighting! Grandpa, help! Mr Cluckers. Meanwhile this man's about to off himself. Aww thanks grandpa. Oh goddammit you tricked us into the opening of Up. Of course the chicken has a tragic backstory. Attack of the Business Crab! I hope Business Crab eats those shit kids first. This will be a good paring with Dandadan when it comes back. BGAWK! I hope Seitz is doing all these random chicken noises too. GAAAH EYE. Beat his ass, chicken! That was awesome. I hope we never get an explanation for any of this. Dio? Awww chicken. I'm still gonna call you Mr Cluckers. Back to the dirty barn fucking. YOU WHORE. I know we're only one episode in but it's not like this show has much competition for best Toonami original. What. And now, sexy girl chicken. Blue Lock- In lieu of commentary just imagine me yelling "Haaaate hate hate hate hate" at everyone for 30 minutes straight, Oh that was real stupid. Revengers- I don't know who'd agreed to give a middle schooler a giant tattoo on the side of his head but it does look fucking sick. Oh that's depressing, Hey, they answered my question. Kid if there's one piece of advice I can give you it's never go to a tattoo place that misspells the word "tattoo" on their sign. And then they became best friends. Look at this little bastard go. Yeah y'all don't stick out at this active construction site at all. Great job you're giving this dude PTSD. "Internal trouble" is also what I call aggressive menstrual cramps. What do you mean inconvenience, I'm pretty sure you just got that man fired. Hey good news your friend's not dead anymore. It's the early 2000s, he would absolutely be telling you to quit acting gay bro. I'm pretty sure I have Mikey's exact outfit. And then he got his ass beat, again. Boy's on like his 15th concussion this month. Who's this douchebag? "Mr Son of a Whore" did make me laugh. Ah hell you're gonna die. One Piece- Garfield y'all lost a bunch of limbs in that fight. Jack fucking sucks. I like that Kinemon only speaks in LOUD. Speaking of fucking sick tattoos. The cat and dog are fighting, somebody get the giant spray bottle. Hey Momo what's up. Wait what about your dad? Hey somebody start explaining. WHAT. Momo I need to know if your real dad is hot. Yeah because that helped you avoid so many deadly enemies. I love Brook. Goddammit Nami. I think we should throw Momo off the elephant. We don't know why they hate each other so I have to assume they're bitter exes that went through a bad breakup. Aww look the elephant made you a rainbow. Whale tree! Oh god they're all weebs. The what now? I warned you about stairs, bro. Ninja expectations destroyed. Hey guys not to ruin the moment or anything but remember Sanji's still kidnapped.

I'm two episodes in and yeah, they're absolutely fucking nailing it.

Bare bones this week because ya girl busted her wrist and has to wear a brace for a couple weeks. Bleach- Aizen's never getting out of that chair. ARISE, CHICKEN. What the fuck is Izuru doing here. Shut up kids where's your hot dads. HI DILFS. Get out of here, Pigfuck Aizen. Blue Lock- It's cruel that I have to watch this show 100% completely sober. They did not give me strong enough pain meds to put up with this. I hate you all. Revengers- Being an adult with a job sucks. I'm uncomfortable. Bitches be crazy, my dude. Jesus christ. What. This is some insane mood whiplash over like five minutes. One Piece- And now everything goes to hell. Oh hey, Momo. They're gonna fight like...cats and dogs. What do you mean years, y'all were crucified together like two weeks ago. "Go back to your lasagna" is a brutal insult. The plot do be twisting. Everyone on this elephant has a phenomenal poker face and nuts of steel.

It's only been four fucking episodes!? Bleach- The eyes are still stupid. Do you also have the stupid wingding eyes? Wow what a shock Ishida was a good guy the whole time. I forgot most of you people were here. Oh great, dimestore Thor is here. Don't worry guys, Renji's here to save you. Don't you try to win me over with a half-hearted boner joke. Why is Pigfuck Aizen still here? Why did half that fucker's body parts become quincies? Meanwhile Chad and Orihime trying their best and failing. I forgot that was his power and it's still stupid. Yoruichi please kill him. Yoruichi gets to do something! God I'm gay. Great job Renji you've fucked it up. Yes Momo you had to kill that guy, what the fuck else did you think y'all came here to do? Shut up kids show me your hot dad. Meanwhile Ukitake's still dying. Not now, twink brother! Alright I got time to watch this little guy beat the shit out of this ugly bastard. That's a damn titan. Remember you can always use Momo as a meatshield. You know he gets stronger when you attack him so just keep standing there attacking him. I'm just here for the sideboob. This sounds like bullshit. Twink brother is real fucking stupid. Put a shirt on that man. Why are y'all pulling out their full names like you're their disappointed parents? Oh hey, Ichigo's still in the show. HOT DAD ALERT. Blue Lock- Don't fight kids, I hate you all. Oh NOW you idiots question listening to Anime Teen Steve Jobs. I've had eye exams more enjoyable than this show. When I was a kid I wanted to be a cat when I grew up and I was probably right. I could go for some steak. At least this one shares his meat. That steak is made out of the losers flesh isn't it. I hope you all lose and the show's just over. Enough with the crazy eyes goddammit! This is a trap and you're all stupid. Quick, kick that boy in the leg and break his ankle. Shut up, dimestore Bakugo. Shoutout to the one dude with like two brain cells doing his best. Christ I hate you all. Maybe that one boy who's posessed by the devil can help you. Oh hey, the main character actually did something useful for the first time in this show. Well that boy just broke half his ribs. Shut up boy nobody cares. Revengers- That girl is so cute he really fumbled it back in the day. Probably shouldn't shake her brother's hand for awhile. He's trying his best but he's had like 14 concussions this week. Definitely don't go back to the future, it sucks here. Ah hell back to the future we go. So was he just in a coma for like three days? You never told him to kill him! "Hey buddy I know we haven't seen each other in like 12 years but wanna hang out?" is probably not gonna work. Great job you accidently fucked over your friend's life. Well at least I feel better about my own home. Oh this is gonna go real bad for you ain't it. Hi there, hoes. I think my sister dated that guy a decade ago. That went surprisingly well. Oh shit! How the hell did you clock that!? He's gonna jump off that roof isn't he. Oh no the cool dragon guy died. BOY THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. One Piece- Luffy's gonna need to eat in like 20 minutes so we gotta get Sanji back quick. I love Pekoms. Ah hell no wonder he had to go. My dude this idiot literally fought entire government for his friend, you think some old lady's gonna scare him? Pekoms needs a bandaid. Run Brook! Anime Garfield is here and I love him. Chopper is not having a good time today. HI LAW. They're so dumb. Bear! Law's life is suffering. Brook is also not having a good time. CAT NO. Zoro's in a good mood as long as the booze lasts. Are we having the end-of-arc party already? Fuck yeah, lasagna! Oh right, the samurai. At least somebody remembered Kinemon is there. Whale hair! Wait where the hell is Momo in all this? Derp Tiger is doing its best. Great job guys, you blew it. Oh goddammit Kinemon.

🎶 Let's go meet Master Cat Viper, he will know what to doooooooooooo 🎶 Bleach- I don't have much hope but I'm rooting for that fire dipshit. These two definitely use to fuck. Wait his powers do what? Show I do not care about their childhood backstory. I got a bad feeling about that Creep Uncle. Were those horses also quincies. Blah blah blah the kid who sucked turned out to be stronger, who'd have guessed. Also you were gay and down bad for him. I straight up have no idea what time period this is supposed to be. What I'm learning from this flashback is that dipshit was always stupid beyond belief. Surprise he chose your bland toast friend. There's a 100% chance everyone assumed he's just molesting that kid. Look with your special eyes! Those wingding eyes still crack me up every time. Double surprise, you're the one who's sucked this whole time. Oh snap he full-named you like a disappointed parent. Show this backstory is putting me to sleep. Somebody lost an arm in Bleach, take a shot. Welp, fire dipshit did about as well as I expected. And nothing of value was lost. Bluelock- So if Japan's team is absolute dogshit, is it really a punishment that they can't play for Japan's team? If they're such great players, what's stopping them from just trying out for another country's team that isn't funding Anime Teen Steve Job's Soccer Hunger Games? The crazy eyes are out in full force. I hate you all, kids. Boy you are mathematically the shittiest player here, you think you're gonna be the top scorer? I have no idea how to play soccer and I don't think these kids do either. They're finally learning that teamwork makes the dreamwork like Barney taught us in kindergarten. Good job you scored exactly one point. Now what bullshit plot convenience will keep the ragtag bunch of losers in the game. I forgot there's five games to play. Hey look, there's exactly one fairly likeable character in this show. Why are you naked. Of course that asshole speaks in cryptic riddles. Oh my gooood stop talking. I wanna rip my own arm off and beat this man to death with it. That one boy really is discount Bakugo. Revengers- And then he was beaten to death. That 37-year old eighth grader is going to murder you. Get you a friend who's willing to stab a fight club boss for you. Buddy I think all those beatings gave you a concussion. Bro stop talking he is literally going to beat you to death. Hey, a new dude. Mission accomplished, I guess. Kick him harder. Congratulations on your new mob boss boyfriend. Kick him harder, again. Fight club's cancelled, kids. You should probably go to a hospital for the massive amount of internal injuries you've suffered. Aww she's so cute. Good news your boyfriend's here. "This is a school so I schooled them" made me laugh. Not now, girl! OH NO. You are adorable but real, real stupid. And then he got murdered for real this time. Good thing your boyfriend has a sense of humor. That went surprisingly well. We'll create a new, better era where delinquents are respected and-wait that doesn't sound good at all. Hey look it's the other guy. One Piece- Luffy's never met an ass he won't kick. I love Pekoms' design and I'd take a bullet for him next time. Fucking mosquitos! Just let Brook fight them, he has no blood. FAT GATOR NO! Glorious return of the nipple lights! Every time Brook sings I smile and clap my hands like a trained seal. Never fight a man powerful enough to be his own backup singer. This is gonna be stuck in my head for the next three weeks. 10/10 no notes, give that skeleton a Grammy. Whale tree! Commence the garchu. This guy looks cool. GET IT, CHOPPER. Oh my god he's anime Garfield. I love you, anime Garfield. Chopper's really going through it. Wait, Sanji's got a shitty dad? I hope Sanji's shitty dad is hot. In a surprise twist, Sanji was Killua this whole time.

Hey you can't blame me for that! When a man's that stupid that's all his own fault!

It's been a long time since a show made me feel like I need to gnaw my own arm out of a bear trap and yet here we are. Bleach- Yeah sure we all give a shit about this random backstory. Who the fuck are you? I'm just here for big titty sword waifu. Somehow that guy looks dumber every time he's on screen. The fuck is he now, some kinda snake chicken deer monstrosity? Listen to big titty sword waifu. I'm sure we were all dying to see Nanao of all people in action. Did you fuck her mom, Captain Chesthair? Does anybody in this show know how their own damn swords work? Oh waaah you bitches get any man you love killed, join the fucking club. This is giving off some uncomfortable vibes with the context that they're blood related. We gave your great grandma this busted-ass sword as a joke and your family's just rolled with it for generations. Okay those girls calling Aizen hot and dragging Shinji's hair made me laugh. No seriously, how the fuck do zanpakutos actually work in this series. Gee I'm glad we're defending this institution that executes people on a whim for bullshit reasons. Yeah lady, getting your leg cut open is gonna hurt. Thank fucking god that thing's dead. You're both bleeding out but don't worry, we already killed off our only competent medic months ago. Blue Lock- Everyone in this show has crazy murder eyes. Instead of getting better coaches or players, we're just gonna hold the Hunger Games. Yeah let's just trust a bunch of teenage boys with Anime Teen Steve Jobs. I'm with that generic pretty boy, this is some bullshit. I hate you, Anime Teen Steve Jobs. I hope we get to meet a single likeable character eventually. "Getting locked off" sounds so fucking stupid. Why does nobody wear shoes? Oh great, this annoying boy is possessed by a soccer demon. The only soccer player I know is David Beckham and that's just because he married a Spice Girl. No shit your rank went up, like 20 people just got kicked out. Oh, he just stated the obvious. Even the soccer adults are intolerable. "We're locking 300 kids in a building with an obvious child predator and we're just gonna see what happens." Woman you are literally insane. You heard the man, no goalies. Oh god help me there's skits. Revengers- We're gonna throw your ass in front of a train again until you figure out how to save that girl. If you can't save the sister you can at least bang the brother. Gyaaaaah his eye! You gotta go back in time and kill those guys. Somehow, time traveling via handshake makes way more sense than whatever bullshit was going on in the soccer show. Oh no you time traveled back in the middle of getting your ass beat. Middle school delinquent my ass, that grown man is 37 years old. What are you doing, you dumb bastard? And then he got his ass beat for the third time in 40 minutes. Shocking that this plan went awry. It's kinda hilarious that time travel goes off of handshakes here. Aww she's adorable. Hey real quick can I shake your brother's hand. Don't just stop in the road you're gonna get hit by a car. Maybe don't go to Fight Club today. Well that boy's about to die. Boy's about to learn the first rule of fight club: at least tie your hair back. I don't know enough about Japanese middle school fight clubs from the mid-2000s, can y'all not just call the cops? They're going to kill you, my dude. That 37-year old grownass man is going to murder you. I admit, this dumbass is starting to grow on me. One Piece- They call her Big Mom because after 35 kids she's got a vagina like a clown car. Big deal the old lady wants to fight, Luffy's already at war with the entire government for his friends. Sanji's having a bad time and needs a hug. At least Caesar has to suffer. I like it when Sanji gets to be cool. You should go ahead and shoot Caesar anyway. Oh yeah, his poster does say that. CHUNGUS CAT. Oh no Pekoms is still dead. Sorry show I can't stop staring at Nami's boobs. You know this is bad because he didn't insult Zoro on the way out. Even Brook is crying and he doesn't even have eyes, yohohoho. Hey could somebody maybe untie us. It's okay Nami your furry girlfriend will console you. I'd take a bullet for that cat. I like that Zoro clearly does not give a shit laying up there on that gator. Oh fuck that we're not joining her. Quit punching that gator he's gonna bite you. We gotta have a cook or Luffy's gonna die in 48 hours. Zoro in a rare moment of being the voice of reason. I love Brook. Pack it up gang we gotta go fight an emperor. Pekoms for crewmate.

For a minute I got Bluelock confused with Gen Lock and thought, wait didn't we already see that weird mecha show with Michael B Jordan? Bleach- Oh no I should have drank more. Hey look, a quincy finally remembered they're supposed to be archers. I don't care who wins I just want both of you to suffer. Goddammit Nemu. Oh god what now. The fact that Mayuri was allowed to roam free for over a hundred years is reason enough to let the quincies destroy the universe. You don't get to call anyone else creepy you insane clown fuck. Please let Mayuri take himself out with this attack. Oh fuck did it eat Kenny. Hold up did Mayuri actually give half a shit about another person for a second there? I know Akon but I have never seen these other people in my life. I refuse to believe Mayuri had any genuine affection for this girl at any point in her life. Nemu honey you have got to get some self worth. At least when you die, you don't have to be in Bleach anymore. What the fuck are YOU doing here?! Show you are never going to make me feel an ounce of sympathy for the evil science clown. Of course you had her organs booby trapped. He gave it super cancer. Ikkaku you take out your sword and stab that clown to death right now. In case you thought there'd be any stakes, all the popular characters will be perfectly fine. Just let that poor girl die. Why are you idiots still here. How are you still alive, dipshit? Bluelock- I don't know jack shit about soccer. Boy's got crazy eyes. You stupid fuck. Alright so these two are the homoerotic rivals from opposite sides. Fuck teamwork you should have hogged that ball. I respect thse parents who are clueless as all fuck. Y'all fucking yet? They're gonna make you kids fight to the death. I do not trust Anime Teen Steve Jobs. I don't know anything about soccer but I don't think this is normal. Boys you cheese it now. Are these real soccer guys? Kids this is a cult you need to run. Lotta crazy eyes in this room. Found the obvious fanservice bait. So this is like, approved by the legit national sports league and not just some random weirdo raising a cult? And then they killed each other. Well now he's never gonna be your boyfriend. This show is gonna be a real uphill battle for me to have fun here. We could be watching SK8 The Infinity right now. Revengers- Another scorcher! I already kinda hate this guy. And then he got isekai'd. Jesus your life sucks maybe you should just let it happen. Did we get time warped? Y'know what I'd rather just get hit by the train if the alternative is reliving middle school. Kids is dumb. This makes me miss the Body Improvement Club. Kids is real dumb. They go to another school, you could just leave. I'd be begging for train death at this point. Don't worry girl he just got a severe concussion from that beatdown. In a surprise twist, he's crazier than everyone else. This nerd is literally taking notes he is gonna get his ass beat on a daily basis. You don't know your girlfriend's sibling? Maybe you're just having a stroke brought on by the damage from all the head injuries. Hey kid wanna have an existential crisis? So is this just Erased without the cool milf? What a surprise, it's that kid. So we have to constantly go back in time to save the cute girl from dying, never heard that one before. I've seen Stein's Gate we're gonna need a microwave, an old pager, and all the bananas we can carry if we're gonna pull this off. One Piece- Pekoms no! What the fuck fruit is that. I fully support the choice to look at that man and decide to dub him as aggressively Italian-American. Goddammit you two should have just stayed put. You should shoot Caesar anyway. I love Robin so much. Man why are y'all being so tense when we're holding you hostage. I could go for some tea. WHAT. 35th daughter, no wonder they call her Big Mom. Fun story, manga readers spent years guessing every blond guy was secretly Sabo until the last arc and then immediately started guessing every blond guy was secretly Sanji's brother. Congrats on the wedding! Goddammit Brook not now. Previously like 500 episodes ago, this. Thanks for the geography lesson, narrator. Ah shit we've been bamboozled. You should at least let her kill Caesar. Surprise quicksand! What is with your tongue, dude. Well that can't be good.

I have never felt more represented by a character than Lemon in my life. Bleach- I blacked out in a blind rage after spending three months of the manga on this hand fight so I genuinely have no memory of how the rest of this arc goes. Yeah sure the Revolutionary War stripper will take them all out. It's fine, Captain Chesthair's got this. I know this was written way before Squid Game but that damn animatronic has permanently tainted my knowledge of Red Light Green Light. This sounds like some bullshit. I hope Momo gets stabbed one more time. I bet he'll get tired of shooting you before you get tired of being shot. Oh, this got dumber. I hope somebody's taking notes on the 87 highly specific rules about when he's allowed to open both eyes. Man what is that form. I respect that Captain Chesthair gives zero shits. Meanwhile Pigfuck Aizen continues to live purely to spite me. Oh hey, he's gonna do a thing. YOYOI. His design gets progressively stupider throughout the fight. I've turned the sky to piss, the ball's in your court. His bankai is an amateur community theater performance, tremble in fear. Hellooooo big titty sword waifu. He has absolutely fucked that sword before. Exorcist- Yukio fucking sucks. Yeah but at least Mephisto's fun with his horrifying human experimentation. Fuuuuck oooooff. We should just let Yukio fail and die however this is gonna happen. I liked that guy better as a hamster. My brand! You here to pay some fucking child support already, you deadbeat cunt? Gee I can't believe this demon asshole is an asshole. Eat a dick, Shima. And then Rin blew up. Fuck off and be a hamster again. He's gonna die ya dumbass, what else do you think would happen? Uh kids I don't think Rin's okay there. You get to come back to life but your dick is fully out. You're gonna have to put your friend down like Ol' Yeller. Oh what now is Shiemi part plant demon or some shit. Me vs my dark impulses to eat a bag of shredded cheese at 3am. That was anticlimactically quick. Mephisto must be in a really good mood if he let you sleep in his waifu bed. Well kid, sometimes when an aggressively stupid woman fucks the devil...Excuse me, is that a land shark? Mashle- Pocket sand! Fuck off, dude. I love my idiot kids. That melon ain't right. They're all so fucking stupid I love them. Dumbledore's earned a vacation after all that. Some may call him the greatest magic user, but I call him a raging back of dicks. Look kids we're probably gonna die so we might as well party now. I'd follow this boy into hell, zero questions asked. Oh fuck we have to study? I genuinely love how Mash's dad and that large man are just friends now. Oh no our boy's fucked. Goddammit Mash! Reverse ostrich. Plan B: befriend the moles. Dot cracks me up. He's trying his best dammit! And that's how Mash died. HE DID IT! I love these idiots so much. Fuuuuuuck ooooooooff. Lemon continues to be my spirit animal. These two are sharing half of a brain cell and it's doing its best. Ohhhh now you done fucked up. Lemon is the best. Who the fuck are you?! This means you're married. Your prison spell sucks, dude. YEET. Dumbledore says fuck off. You can do it kiddo I believe in you. One Piece- I'm sure that full moon thing won't be important later. FAT GATOR. Oh right, where's Sanji. In song form! Sanji would never leave willingly while Nami's wearing that outfit. Goddammit Zoro! Oh right, Big Mom was there. It's Pekoms, the weird turtle-lion thing. Sanji's allowed to be cool for approximately three minutes per month and he's using that time sparingly. Nami and Wanda are never beating the married allegations. Calm down Sanji we don't have enough blood for this. I completely forgot Momo existed. No one's beating the furry allegations in this arc. Brook's life is suffering...although he doesn't have a life YOHOHOHO. Awww Pekoms. I vote you give them Caesar and also stab him. He wasted all their money on blackjack and hookers. Do not trust Caesar to help. Can we trade Caesar for Pekoms please? Pekoms is a good dude...turtle...thing. NOOOO PEKOMS.

How is my night being bookended by two different horrible science clowns?! Bleach- Let's all point and laugh at Renji. Yes Kenny please kill that thing. That arm was just holding you back. Oh no it's time for what was by far my most hated fight in the manga. Well that's new. Kenny you murder that science clown and I will suck your dick right now. GODDAMMIT CLOWN. That terrifying baby sword is more fucked up than I remembered. What the fuck am I watching. "I only stabbed you for your own good" is a hell of a take. I'm not lucky enough to have these two kill each other immediately. I am absolutely not drunk enough for this. Sure why the fuck not. I understand less about this soul king fucker ever week. How does it talk. I want to point out that Science Clown vs Disembodied Hand shenanigans took three fucking months in the manga and my mental health has never recovered. Meanwhile, the quincy redshirts are real fucking stupid. Mayuri can't be assed to explain shit because Kubo couldn't think of anything. The FUCK is that. Mayuri's body is a horrifying mess of contradictions and I hate it. It's a hydra of hands. I can't drink fast enough to tolerate this! Y'all are gonna wanna run. Oh jesus christ the sword is a giant fetus now. THANKS I HATE IT. I could have lived my entire life without seeing a giant zombie Buddha give birth via c-section to a horrific screeching cannibal baby. I hated this. Exorcist- Fuck off Lightning Mcqueen. Dullahan, you mean Celty? Mephisto's run outta shits to give. Did his stupid ahoge get bigger? In a surprise twist, Yukio fucking sucks. You can tell this is serious because Shura covered her boobs. Yeah this conference is gonna go great. You deserved it, Shima. My brand! I don't care about the kids I'm just rooting for Mephisto to have a good time. GODDAMMIT YUKIO. No, let this dumb bastard go to jail. The guy that looks like a clown. Great job Yukio you kickstarted the apocalypse. Let Mephisto rest in bed with his waifu merch, he'll be fine. I don't care about the humans at the North Pole just make sure all the polar bears up there are safe. Goddamn Mephisto was really doing the whole world a solid wasn't he. Sorry Rin we gotta put your dipshit brother down like Ol' Yeller. Oh joy another rescue arc, groundbreaking. Maybe your idiot brother wouldn't be in this situation if he wasn't so rockfuck stupid. Who the fuck are you?! Kill the little bastard, see if I care. Satan get the fuck out of here if you're not gonna pay that child support. This is dumb. Why the fuck would you let him have ANOTHER gun!? Mashle- My blood pressure desperately needs something fun after the past hour. Harry Potter would have been a lot shorter if someone would have just tried beating the shit out of Voldemort. He's flying again. Compensating for something with that giant broom there, buddy? Fuck off that's my good boy son! Piss off, this boy never saw a magic he couldn't punch. Uh Mash you may not wanna punch this magic. BEAT HIS ASS, MY BOY. Grab his dick and twist it! You suck, evil wizard guy. We don't deserve Mash. I'm counting this as a win for us. Oh that's a big ol' fucker for y'all to fight. Run Mash run! Za Warudo, off! Siscon powers, activate. Me too Dot. Well kiddo the important thing is you tried. Why bother killing everyone via monster when they could just kill themselves via stampede. Priorities, Lemon! MY BOY. I hope y'all feel like shit now. Goddamit idiots just learn the lesson! YES THEY LEARNED THE LESSON! Everyone's heart grew three sizes that day. Awwww. Now get that boy some cream puffs. I love Lemon so much. One Piece- Chopper's got PTSD. Fucking Caesar again! We should totally just stab Caesar. Kill him Sanji and I'll suck your dick right now. Not now, elephant! I enjoy seeing Caesar suffer. Chopper is a good boy. FAT GATOR. Alright Caesar helped, now kill him. Well this is fucked up. Furry alert. And that's how Nami got a girlfriend. You can't catch me, furry thoughts! Chopper's really going through it. And that's how Chopper got a girlfriend. I hope they executed Caesar immediately after he finished helping. I'm not happy with the amount of science murder clowns I've seen tonight. Aww I'm glad that little kid's okay. BEAR. Fuck yeah, stew! Hey we know that song. Those two are practically fucking in front of the group. "You can't fight that dead guy" says the literal walking skeleton. Let's go see the giant cat!

I blacked out in rage every time I remembered that this fight took three fucking months in the manga that I completely blocked out the giant zombie Buddha giving birth via c-section to a horrifying screeching cannibal caterpillar baby so that hit me like a sack of wet laundry. Thanks, Bleach!

One day I'll finally sit down and watch Primal I swear. Bleach- Ishida really lucked out considering how stupid every other quincy's name is. Why the fuck are you quincy shits even here if you're not gonna help? Ah dammit which of you was responsible for watching the science murder clown. God I love Kenny. And Hanataro is there because he's a character we recognize. Orihime's tits are about to bounce up and give her a black eye. Yesss Grimmjow kill that hideous man. That shirt is limiting your power, take it off. And then my boyfriend blew up. Revolutionary War Stripper can go ahead and shoot some of the annoying characters. Oh yeah don't worry, fucking Renji's got this. Oh good, he looks even dumber than he used to. Remember the time both of you sucked so bad against the science murder pervert that you had to get bailed out by the science murder clown? That's a lot of monkey's paws. I can 100% believe that Renji only needs 20 seconds to finish. Gloworm Mayuri is the gift that keeps on giving. Yes let Kenpachi kill people. Piss off, Pigfuck Aizen. Renji failed, surprising no one. Big talk for a guy who only fights people who don't want to kill him. Exorcist- I hate it when demons destroy my windshield. Oh right, this entire season started with some regular school guy seeing demons didn't it. "So hey your brother almost shot me in the face" is a hard conversation to have. Oh good that thing's got a giant laser eye. That's a goddamn pokemon. Once again the day is saved thanks to Shura's boobs. Hey buddy, what's up with trying to shoot your students in the face? Lightning Mcqueen is less than helpful here. Fuck off, Shima. Is this the best time to be arresting a dude in the middle of a fight? You're going to jail, Mcqueen. Sorry kid your brother's a bitch and I hope he has a bad time. That flash drive better be full of porn. Priest dad, still too cool for this show. Hey, bitch stole my laptop! Boy your mom fucked the goddamn devil, there was never a mystery there. Oh okay, so you were always a little bitch. Shiemi's always been dumb as rocks. Girl this is gonna end with you getting strangled in the bushes. Yukio fucking sucks. Show we all know you're not gonna kill him for real, what are we doing here. Hi dad I hope you're here to pay some fucking child support. Mashle- We can all admit that Adam Jobs is a hilariously bland name for a wizard. I love a good fourth-wall break. Your sidekick broke, sorry. Give that boy more cream puffs. Mash is a good boy and we don't deserve him. I'm pretty sure that man has permanent brain damage, I don't think you're getting anything out of him. Beat his ass, Dumbledore! ZA WARUDO! I am very concerned about Dumbledore's odds here. Well shit, hope you didn't need that arm. Did your parents also sacrifice your organs to the devil so you could go to magic academy? Oh hell yeah I am here for capybara facts. Subscribe for more animal facts. SPACE FIST, GO. Voldemort casts some bullshit. RIP Dimestore Dumbledore, you were a real one. This gives me the same vibe as Netero taking himself out with a nuke to beat the chimera ants. Okay but that kid loves his sister a little too much so you can ignore him. I'm choosing to believe Mash's dad and that large man are just married at this point. GODDAMIT JUST DIE. Time for a good boy! Avada Deez Nuts. One Piece- I love this cat. I'd just give up and put whoever I hated most in a ninja costume to hand over. Sorry, this man is too ugly to die. Bear! Can y'all not just tell that elephant to haul ass and run? In conclusion, fuck that guy. GODDAMN FUCKING CAESAR. Console your furry girlfriend, Nami. Oh, that's fucked up. Oh, that's fucked up. Well, thank god he's dead. Fuck off, Caesar. I enjoy seeing Caesar suffer. Fat gator! Hillbilly man still cracks me up. I like when Brook gets to do cool things. "Fellas this is some fucked up shit we just walked in on." Fuck you, Caesar. Remember, this is a family show.

I forgot the Rick and Morty anime existed and my life is better for it. Bleach- Maybe the palace will crash down and kill 90% of the cast if I'm lucky. Hiiiii Grimmjow. Who the fuck put this man in skinny jeans and an actual shirt?! Boobs. Hey, Nel might actually get to do something useful for a change. Didn't the arrancar numbers exist before Aizen got there? What the fuck are you dipshits doing here?! I'm pretty sure this Valley of Screams shit only exists because the soul reapers once again sucked at their jobs. Where's my shitty fullbring boyfriend. Oh yeah I'm sure this plan won't go awry extremely quickly. Well lady Ukitake's busy being a magic battery until he dies or whatever the hell that explanation was. Are we really gonna trust Ganju and Chad here. I hate Riruka but I respect her dedication to be a hater. Grimmjow's here as a personal gift to me after all the bullshit I've put up with. The eye thing just continues to look stupid. Even Pigfuck Aizen's had enough of this. Dude he's like 12 and his power is a Nintendo DS what do you expect him to do. "It's only things you love that you put in your box" jesus christ show. Most of you idiots can't go because you'd get yourselves killed immediately. Welcome to 1930's Germany, gang. Hey there, twink brother. Twink brother is real stupid. "We may have fucked up, gang." Nice castle. Exorcist- I hope you called your mom first before you brought ten people over. How many goddamn siblings do you have?! Get it, Charlie Brown. Shima deserves to get his ass beat on the regular. Help that old man squeeze his balls, kids. Oh right I forgot, Yukio fucking sucks. I feel called out by Lightning Mcqueen's dumpster of a bedroom. Even your stick demon thinks you suck. Yeah buddy you're so lucky your entire family is dead. Beat his ass, generic older brother. Just put a damn airtag on that boy. Congratulations snake bitch, I guess. How drunk is your dad today. Gee I'm sure whatever this is isn't ominous at all. Is that guy still fucking alive?! A man will never be threatening while wearing a bucket hat and poncho. I like that every other random guy in this series is just Keith Silverstein. Hey you can hardly tell she got disfigured after backstabbing everyone and nearly causing a mass murder. Yukio really fucking sucks. Well you see, when a woman is really dumb and decides to fuck the goddamn devil... Mashle- Y'know it completely slipped my mind before but how fucking pissed would JK Rowling be if she ever found out Margaret exists in anime Hogwarts. You stay away from my idiot son. Oh right, that's who that guy is. You were a good dude, flashback guy. Oh, that's his fucking corpse. You fucked up a perfectly good zombie is what you did. Your master was a good dude, sorry his corpse has been hijacked by Voldemort. Piss off, Jabberjaw. Snaaaake. Dumbledore said fuck off. Don't worry that arm was just holding you back. Maybe your dark magic just isn't that great, buddy. Dimestore Dumbledore is not fucking around. SPACE. So what were y'all bitter exes or something back in the day. Meanwhile, I forgot about the regular zombies. That's a very good question. You're a horcrux, Mashy. I love my idiot son. PUNCH. I'm still monologuing! Yeah guy I'm sure this is gonna work just great for you. He's not good at math just give him a second. You can kill off the people just don't hurt the cream puffs. CHEESE IT. This show is a gift. Uhhh Mash kiddo get up. What. What. Cream puff party. Cream puff party. Cream puff party. My favorite magic is just choking a bitch out. One Piece- Miss me with that 12-hour shift shit. I'd die for you FAT GATOR. The gang's not doing well I fear. I still don't know why that guy's a hillbilly but it cracks me up. Maybe y'all should go ahead and wake up the cat for backup. Prrrrrobably a bad idea to drop that sword, my dude. You'd think the mammoth would have felt that. ONE BILLION DOLLARS. Welp, negotiations have gone to shit. And then everyone died. DOGSTORM used THUNDERBOLT, it's not very effective. No shit he destroyed the game, he's like 30 tons of chungus and a trunk. Let the dog sleep. Spoiler alert, it didn't go well. That man's arm is a hyena. I wonder how many times they collectively fucked up "Sir Shishilian" in the recording booth. Surprise assist from the good elephant. IT'S CATURDAY, BITCHES. I hope somebody at least gives him a heads up on what's going on. I love him immediately. Oh, the douchebag mammoth is just an ugly dude. Oh come on how do those swords even work. Bear!

My new years resolution is to be even more obnoxiously thirsty for fictional characters and by god I will succeed. Bleach- Nothing can stop the smooze! You can't fool me those are the unowns from Pokemon. Captain Chesthair is right, you're fucked on your own. You sit the fuck down and do your job, buddy. I like that they dragged his recliner out of the b asement just to leave him in the street while they run away. Man Aizen really did not just give a fuck about escaping did he. Gloworm Mayuri still cracks me up. That's a cock ring. Where the fuck did you come from!? Didn't all you assholes die weeks ago!? Thanks, fire dipshit! Yes your boss was always going to sacrifice you for his goals, how is any of that a surprise? Since when did they have cell phones in Soul Society? The fuck is that. Thank god Kenny's back to hold my attention. "Ichigo sucked and failed so now it's our problem." Aizen's never getting out of that chair. Shut up lesbian. Hey look, our protagonist is up. Orihime's exhausted after contributing to the plot for three minutes. Why the fuck is Kon here?! Oh yeah I'm sure it's gonna go great this time. GRIMMJOW'S ABS I MISSED YOU. How dare they put Grimmjow in an actual shirt. Meanwhile, something something special eyes. Exorcist- It's been two weeks I have no clue what's going on. Instead he turned into a Dune worm and died. Lightning Mcqueen face jumpscare. Oh right, there was some terrible family secret we didn't hear. Wasn't this supposed to be a Christmas party? Way to suck, Shiemi. Oh yeah god forbid you just ask her why she quit. I respect that other friend is just out here hoeing it up in her spare time. Fuck off Shima. Sorry Bon that man is not gonna fuck you. Oh shit, Priest Dad lore drop. Priest Dad was too cool for us. RIP tree. I'm just here for the cat in the reindeer costume. I forgot Puppet Kid existed again. CHRISTMAS SHURA GODDAMN. Good lord Shima your brother words fast. Baby I'm not listening to a word you say when you're wearing that outfit. "Well boys your mom had great tits." Everyone was down bad for Priest Dad. Your mom fucked Satan, what else is there to know? Yukio sucks. Mashle- You stay away from my son! Get him, Dumbledore! The enemy stand users could be anyone. Less talking, more ass beating. Fuck you you're not his real dad. Zombies! Alright kids you got this. Hey look, even the douchebags are helping. Yeah that's probably normal. For my next attack, giant sea urchin. Everyone, protect Mash at all costs. Thanks Dot. Who needs to climb when you can just kick the shit out of it. It's okay Mash I also didn't remember who he was. Who the fuck brought a baby here?! What the fuck. Baby Dot is adorable. I forgot this was literally a stand. In your defense, it is a cool toy. Thank god the sister freak is competent. Oh great, we just have to fight god is all. AH christ he's got no face! So who did he fuck to get Mash? I'm pretty sure that's summoning a Cthulhu. I love our idiot good boy. Joke's on you, boy's too strong. You're fine you didn't need that jaw anyway. One Piece- And then the Fire Nation attacked. Goddammit Luffy! And then they beat the shit out of him. Meanwhile somebody's getting yeeted. I enjoy that everyone on this island is insane in some way. Oh hey Chopper. BIG DOGGY. The dog minks trying to eat Brook is never not funny. That hat came from a very hot, very drunk man. Shanks! Luffy quit messing with the dog. Of corse the cat and dog are fighting. That sounds like a very inefficient form of government. On the flip side I could go for only being conscious 12 hours a day. Fuck you, mammoth! Have y'all ever considered that you're wrong and the dude's just not here? You guys sure took your sweet time getting here. I know several people who'd be down to get beaten up by Carrot. CRAB HAND. WOLF HAND. Man, jacking off has gonna be hard for these guys. Fat gator! Surely this will end well.