EmpressAngel

Bleach- Go ahead and kill the kid, Mayuri's not gonna care. Kenny would be so disappointed in both of you. The horrific ethical violations are Mayuri's favorite part. May we all be so lucky as to be dead and mindless when the war criminal science clown sets his eyes on us. Ain't that the thing from Parasyte? You idiot, killing him does nothing. Ah hell he's got us in a Groundhog Day loop. Why do we let the murder clown exist? BOOBS, NO! I forgot all of these schmucks existed when they weren't on screen. Yes we're all very scared of your tiny Nazi handgun. I hope all of them are dead. Great job you beat one guy, Byakuya beat like 20. I wouldn't have to have an excuse to attack most people in this show. Oh I already REALLY hate this guy. I imagine the casting call for this role was "Who can sound like Barry White?" What the fuck is going on. What is this background music. Who needs love when my soul is fueled 90% with unfathomable hate for fictional characters. I am nowhere near drunk enough for this. Thank you, zombie guys. Oh god help me, the fights have combined. I don't know enough about fake spirit science to call bullshit on this. At least this zombie bitch is dead now I hope. Stop making me look at that man! Maybe I'll luck out and they'll all just kill each other. Meanwhile, Ghost Hitler just Koolaid Man'd his way into the castle. Exorcist- Shima can go eat a bag of dicks. Wow what a shock he's been good this whole time, no one expected that. Remember kids, never trust a cult. Rare GLASSES MEPHISTO spotted. I'm just rooting for Mephisto to have a good time. Literally none of this is making me like Shima, show. Someone please just put that doctor out of my misery. I give zero shits about his personality but let's be real, Lucifer can get it. Insult him more, it's doing things for me. THANK YOU. Rin what the fuck are you doing. Okay the boobies line got me. What in god's green fuck are you doing here? I think I'm having a stroke. So the cult just lets you walk away back to your regular old life? Beat his ass, he deserves it. I know we've seen this guy before but I have no memory of who he is. Lightning Mcqueen is here. No, torture that dumbass child. He kidnapped one of you, don't trust his shit. Mephisto's just out here playing around for shits and giggles. Yes, drag these children for my amusement. No, you and your shitty hat get back here and torture that boy! Yukio it's not too late to drown him in the fountain. Yeah I'm sure you can trust the guy named fucking Lucifer. You should have just let him get tortured. I'm glad I'm gonna get that blood-coughing man killed soon enough. Look with your special eyes! Remember it's never too late to punch a guy. Sweet, free trash! I completely forgot Boobs got injured at all. Fuck it, we party. Gratuitous jiggle, go! You were in the hospital like two days ago, should you be swimming? These glasses boys can't see shit for this conversation. No brain cells at all in this building. Control your boner, kiddo. "I ain't your dude, dude!" got me. Those are some pokemon. No running at the pool! Mephisto's gonna kill you for all that property damage. Fuck's sake didn't we have this "Oh no I'm a demon" drama as filler last season? Oh, they were Mephisto's pokemon. Again, we didn't deserve Priest Dad. One Piece- I forgot we're still in filler and I'm still not here for it.

Fun story: After seeing the first episode of Uzumaki I thought "the rest of the series could look like shit and I'd still be satisfied." And the universe looked me directly in the eye and said "Wanna bet?" Bleach- I'd like to apologize to Orhime from last week since Chad doesn't get to have a shirt either. Yeah it's our friend Ishida, the guy who released a giant monster into a city full of innocent bystanders to have a shitty dick-measuring contest. I know we just left the royal palace but turn around we gotta go all the way back. Goddammit they're all still alive. I want to pet that fox. I do enjoy this dipshit. Renji is the last person who gets to talk about stupid character designs. Please for the love of god kill them all. Oh, did they cut out that bit from the manga where Yumichika says he knows that girl's a dude because she reeks of jizz? That lady's not looking too good. Urahara's just here for shits and giggles. Yoruichi gets to be in the show! Shit's exploding, yo. Appropriate time for a zombie apocalypse. Light Bright Mayuri is here to save the day but at what cost. Is...is she gonna fuck that corpse? On a scale of Senku to Mayuri, how evil do you like your mad scientists? Joke's on you, Mayuri doens't give a single yodeling fuck about his allies. Where the fuck did you guys come from!? Thank you Mayuri for killing them again. Again, you just need a biteproof shark suit and a large stupid man ready to show dong. I mean Mayuri has custody of you so there's definitely a lot worse that can happen to you. Have the gays fight each other. You suck, Hitsugaya.

I call that the Kenta Miyake Special and it's how I want to die. 👍 Bleach- Children are terrifying. The imagination brain thing was extremely stupid but at least it was fun. Where's my kid. LIGHTNING BOLT. I hate you all. Kenny, seen here giving a negative number of fucks. Rukia getting her contractually obligated five minutes of screen time ever other week. Oh hey, the main character exists. I'm a simple woman, I hear NUMBER ONE playing and I cheer and clap my hands like a trained seal. I hope the hoe squad dies painfully. What part of "main character" did you dumb bitches not understand? Remember folks, the hammer of justice is unisex. Credit where it's due, the shitty skeleton attack was pretty fun. Great job hoes you've killed each other. Hey look, he did a new thing. Thanks, fire dipshit! Oh no more new people I hate. Goddammit Ichigo you forgot to close the door. Lightbright Mayuri gets me every time. And then Renji was here to suck and fail. False alarm, there's some competent people here too. My blind ass would never have recognized anybody with that giant bugzapper light on. I mean, everybody's gonna die if he wins so might as well go out fighting. Oh shit, the show remembered Chad and Orihime exist. Did she borrow that shirt from a first grader? Exorcist- Eat a dick, Shima. Oh my god shut the fuck up nobody cares. So like, has nobody ever noticed that everyone who posts about going to this tourist trap is never seen again? Look I know humans suck in general but damn. I know this is gonna turn out to be some convoluted double-agent crap with Shima but we should just kill him. She's like 4'10 just pick her up like a sack of potatoes and go. Girl I don't know how well you're gonna pull off this Naruto cosplay. Fuck oooooff you pink sack of shit. And then he was eaten by the Smooze. Just wear the VR Furry helmet and you'll be fine. Why did her compatability even matter if you could brute force it like that? Whelp. she's dead. Priest dad, still too cool for us. It's beside the point, but her sister is adorable. And now the Rocky Horror lips are gonna shit-talk you. She died as she lived, being an unlikeable bitch to everyone. Izumo's heart grew three sizes that day. Fuuuuuuck oooooooooff. THANK YOU RIN, FINALLY. Oh god what the hell now. We got zombies falling outta the sky we gotta go now. CAT SUPPORT. Jesus christ quit being a bitch and get on the cat. Well that's not the worst Naruto cosplay I've ever seen. Hey, look whose shitty mom woke up. She'll save you through the power of interpretive dance. Charlie Brown weilding a goddamn lead pipe is unreasonably funny to me. Sorry kiddo your mom stole your cosplay. She died as she lived, dipping out on her family responsibilities. I'm sure this would be very moving if I cared about these characters at all. Oh my goooooooood shut up. Yeah I'm sure this is gonna go just great for you. Oh christ I think that's what gluttony turned into in the shitty FMA movie. Yay your pets are back. In a surprise twist I'm sure nobody saw coming, Shima's been playing both sides. And then the pets turned into fursuit spirits. Y'all should probably kill the shit out of that guy while you have the chance. Eat a dick, Shima. Hey, Shima's dipshit brother! Bad news guys, your little brother's a festering bag of cocks. I forgot Puppet Kid existex again. A happy ending for the most unlikeable main character in the series. Y'know what it's probably a good thing the kid has no memory of her early childhood. Yeah yeah cry it out can we move on now. I hope Shima likes his new life of babysitting the creepy doctor monster thing. One Piece- Law and Zoro are hot but not hot enough to make me watch filler.

Ladies and gentlemen, we got Tatum.

If I had the power to manifest my imagination I'd [censored for unfathomably foul content] until I passed out. Dan the Dan- We gotta save the mannequin. I love these idiot kids. Fall alarm on the balls. Okarun is suffering. Oh god why are you singing. Meanwhile, never mess with the Luigi board. Oh no, the mannequin! Fuck everything else, these dummies are my OTP. Oh no what's wrong with the himbo. The FUCK is that. I could go for some candy. Nut nut nut nut nut nut nut! Unexpected DEEZ NUTS got me. Okarun is trying his best. Of course Nessie's real and you can hire her on Uber. Awww they can be friends now. Well that volcano's definitely gonna blow up. STAIRS. Oh that's ominous. You two are so married and our dumbass should be happy for you. Momo you're about to get murdered in the hot springs. He's got ya there. Zero brain cells between them. Okay I'd like to get off this ride now please. Guys not now, there's shenanigans happening. There is gonna be some dead ghost monster hiding in a secret room ain't there. Plot twist the house is just full of asbestos. I need an adult. Hell of a cliffhanger to leave off on. Bleach- That's not a real name. This is gonna get real dumb real fast. Lady why would your ally be hiding from you, just for funsies? I'm just happy Yachiru gets to have fun. That's just Cousin Itt. Why are you killing your own allies you dumb bastard. I want that twink obliterated immediately. Your bones are now cookies. IMAGINAAAAATION. Hiiii Kenny. It's not like we might have needed the strongest healer in the army for an allout war or anything. Kenny could not give less of a fuck, buddy. Why yes, your power DOES seem like a bad joke! "What the hell is a cookie?" actually made me burst out laughing. Kenpachi is a gift this show doesn't deserve. And then suddenly, GUN. This is dumb as all hell but I'm genuinely having fun with a Bleach fight for the first time in who knows how long. Imagine that, dipshit. His greatest power, becoming two boring twinks. Kenny and Zoro should hang out. SPACE. He was beaten by the sheer force of Kenpachi's big dick energy. You're already dead, stop talking. Sure, this might as well happen. Exorcist- Can we watch creep doctor die yet? This dude's cute, I have no memory of who he is. Fuck off dude nobody likes you. Eat a dick, Shima. Oh right, now I remember this guy. That's not gonna stop him for using her as a lab rat, amigo. JUST DIE ALREADY. The fuck kind of plan is this? Thanks I hate it. Happy Halloween! RIP Charlie Brown, eaten by a Titan. At least he knows his place in the story. Great job you gave it your only weapon. Cat gonna cat. Now somebody feed that cat. Meanwhile Shiemi failing at her job. Okay I'm here for the random fucking BAZOOKA. Surprise, the giant zombie monsters were once human and we should pity them. Water waifu, go! Great job you gave it debilitating trauma. Stop showing me that ugly fucker! Oh hey Rin. On that day, humanity received a grim reminder. Let's make like a tree and fuck off. I forgot Puppet Kid existed again. Someone please kill him already. One Piece- Show I already told you, I'll be back when you get to Furry Island!

Having watched UBW, my strongest opinion is that Lancer is my boyfriend and we didn't deserve him.

Not the Seitz character whose cock I wanted to see, but that's on me for not being more specific. This looks like a blast.

Dan the Dan- A CHALLENGER APPEARS. He's got both nuts, Okarun you should feel threatened. I respect that he's also into hot grandma. I like him he seems nice. Aira is the woooorst. I love these idiot kids. Shut up kids you're married. Awww he's a good boy. Shit's haunted, yo. You should have called Reigen. I love that the grannies are friends now. Oh he's dumb as bricks I love it. Soooo married. Meanwhile Okarun's having a mental breakdown. The fuck is QWOP doing here? A very godo but very stupid boy. He's got your missing nut! Ah yeah here we go with the classical music time. Naruto-run like the wind, kiddo! They're trying their best with their collective 1.5 brain cells. You broke him. Just follow the sound of screaming. She's ripping his ball off isn't she. Or his heart, that works too. Does QWOP also get a tragic backstory. Oh my god. I'm rooting for these dummies. Bleach- When did he get that outfit. We need 72 layers because we can't risk the king being forced to see a normal person. Just jump. Surprise, everyone's dead now. Stupid outfits for everyone! Yeah I'm sure we all care a whole lot about Quincy Hitler's deal. Okay that is admittedly a sick way to kill a dude. Who's this asshole. Well at least somebody's having fun here. Hey look, Rukia gets to do something! The trick is to be dead inside and give zero shits. Bucko I tuned out of this monologue like five minutes ago. What, since fucking when? Well that was anticlimactic. You're not special, existence is unending agony for all of us. F in the chat. Alright, that's new. Ya gotta cut your eyes out, simple enough. Y'know what this is close enough to count as a Halloween episode. I do gotta respect this guy's trash talk, he's putting in some quality work. Byakuya is here to be cold and emotionless as usual. I know they're not, but it sounds like they keep calling him Assnut. Alright that fucked up monster form actually looks pretty good. Thanks Byakuya for letting her win a fight. Well that was quick, again. Hey look, a design change that actually looks good. Yachiru time! Oh god what the hell now. Ohhhh it's gonna be fun watching this guy get murdered. Exorcist- I cannot take Puppet Kid seriously. Eat shit, Shima. Genuinely gotta give her props for that move. Please god can we see this doctor die soon. Fuck's sake Rin stop stuffing your face for five minutes. There's no better way to disguise your secret base than by putting a bunch of guards at the entrance in extremely conspicuous uniforms. Mephisto with the waifu body pillow fucking killed me. They're experimenting on civilians and children, just kill them. The average mall is in fact cursed by the collective suffering of the employees on Black Friday. I want to see Shima get kicked in the nuts at least 14 times by the end of this. It's fine the dude just wandered out of the Spencer's stock room. Zombies in a mall, never seen that one before. Yeah go ahead and get your face right up there. Weirdly appropriate Halloween theme tonight. Y'all just need to get yourselves some biteproof shark suits and a large, buff man willing to show his ass. I vote we feed them Puppet Kid as a diversion. Catch these human hands, bitch boy. Nut shots aren't good enough I hope Shima dies. Whomst the fuck are you? My stream crashed at this point, which I assume is an attempt to protect me from seeing any more of Creep Doctor. One Piece- Hey, new OP. Oh my god how did you make it this far without a navigator. In a shocking twist, Barto is the smartest one on his crew. Sorry Barto, not even you can get me to watch movie tie-in filler. Call me when we get to Furry Island.

Thanks Blue Exorcist for reinforcing my decision to never have kids. Dan Squared- HELLO NURSE. Okarun is a good boy. Aira sucks. Yeah sure that makes sense enough. We gotta find that boy's ball. Bitches be crazy, Okarun. I love these idiot kids. Her friends are great. Aw fuck you've started a witch hunt. Hey look, character develoopment! It's nice to see she's not complete dogshit. Oh hey, shrimp's still here. You okay there, shrimp? Oh my god the shrimp gets a tragic backstory. Hiiii grandma. Aww he's our friend now. I love the grandmas. Oh no tragic backstory. I'd die for you, Wholesome Shrimp Single Dad. Someone hug that shrimp immediately. This conversation killed me. For a second there I genuinely thought his blood was tartar sauce. Yaaaay we can save his son now! Oh that's why there's a cow getting abducted in the OP. Don't worry I'm sure the neighbors didn't notice that. This show is a gift we don't deserve. I love you, grandma. Oh hey, the other guy from the OP. A challenger appears! Well obviously we throw him at Aira and problem's solved. Bleach- At least if you die, you don't have to be in Bleach anymore. Mayuri continues to look fucking ridiculous. Captain Chesthair gives no shits. Nacho Libre here is already getting on my nerves. These sure are words you're saying. What little kid, that's a 50-year old grown man. Kubo shouldn't be allowed to name people anymore. Bah gawd, that man had a family. This guy's bankai is an overly pretentious interpretive dance. I'd be lying if I said I've never wanted to puncture my own eardrums during an episode of Bleach. Renji is really trying his hardest to look cool here. Oh hey, Rukia gets to be in the show again. False alarm, Rukia doesn't get to be in the show again. Oh fuck me the minion regenerates. Okay it'll be genuinely hilarious if the rest of this fight is that little guy getting offed over and over again. Gee if only we didn't let our best healer off herself in a sparring match with your own side. Oh, that's horrifying. I'm not gonna complain that you killed those creepy little minions but why. Alright that's new. Renji sucks so much even his bankai thinks he's pathetic. Credit where it's due, the show always has had some damn good music. Who could have guessed Renji can win a fight on his own. Meanwhile, this asshole. Nazi grandpa needs a nap. Exorcist- Her mother is unbearable, no wonder she grew up to be such a bitch. Your mom definitely fucked those foxes. Somehow, this is Naruto's fault. Oh jesus it's that freaky doctor creep. Yeah I'm sure you can trust that lady. I'm glad your shit mom is suffering now. Remember kids, don't let shitty men impregnate you. Remember kids, don't stick your dick in crazy. Congratulations show, you've actually made me feel bad for the unlikable bitch. Fucking Naruto. Yeah sure you can always trust the illuminati to have your back. On the other hand, new fake mom can get it. Hey at least your sister doesn't have to deal with this shit anymore. I'd like to apologize to hot new mom for not trusting her earlier. I can't wait to watch creep doctor get murdered. Well this just keeps getting more fucked up as we go. I hope Shima gets kicked in the dick repeatedly for helping with this. One Piece- Time for the traditional after-arc party. Law's got some pretty rough PTSD that's never getting treated. Oh hey Kaku, I recognize that nose. Hi Lucci. I like that the pigeon gets his own little fancy suit and mask. Again, Viola is welcome to stab me literally any time she wants. They're soooooo cute! I'm glad things worked out for them. Princess buddies! Oh my god the Usopp statue. Akainu can fuck off and Fujitora agrees. I appreciate that Tsuru has no time for flamingo bullshit. Shanks sighting! Hancock sighting! I hope all the celestial dragons die. Shit's on fire, yo. You don't get to make requests in jail you bird fuck.Who the hell is that? OH MY GOD THE SHIP. Gettin' real parasocial there, buddy. Going Luffy is the best boat. This is ridiculous. Nobody fucking invited you, Bellamy. To where now? I love Barto so fucking much. GOD USOPP. It's okay Franky you'll get there. Hey, Chopper's bounty doubled! Huh, what's up with Sanji's bounty? Ah crap it's filler time.

Thank you I've eaten inexcusable amounts of cake today.

I only see about five minutes of DBZ a week while I wait for the shows I care about to start, but I do enjoy that little fat kid from what I've seen of him. Dan the Dan- Never get into a fight with your dick out. She's holding up surprisingly well. Spoke too soon, they're gonna steal your pussy. This shit is so ridiculous and I'm here for it. Sucks to suck, aliens. So y'all just picked that fight shrimp up from Space Uber or something? Beat their ass, Momo! I've had some shitty bosses before but this is a new low. BUSINESSMAN. I love how much Momo hates her. Oh shit it's a mantis shrimp now. And then everyone drowned. Oh great the Kaiju's back. And I said goddammit Loch Ness Monster I ain't giving you not tree fiddy. I love these idiots so much. Cracks me up that Turbo Granny can't swim. Oh my god just grow up and talk to each other. Shut up and make out already. Ride him like a jetski. Now get this boy some pants. I love that this is going bad for the aliens. Meanwhile this is the weirdest goddamn threesome they'll ever have. Look if one of these kids has to act as a meat shield I'd prefer it if it's the homewrecker. Teamwork makes the dream work, kids. Eat shit, fuckos. Now please get some clothes. Oh this would be a real unfortunate time for everyone else to come back...and right on cue. Bleach- Yeah that's just what this series needed, unlikable hoes who hate each other. Shinji's having a rough time. She may be annoying but I can respect her plan of "fuck it, just blow shit up." Let's watch Momo get stabbed again. Oh no, he's hot! Forgive the expression but I finally have a dog in this fight. Man, grandpa doesn't fuck around. I might get that man killed but at least he wouldn't have to be in Bleach anymore. The furry lover is disappointed. Sounds like bullshit but okay. Grandpa's gonna eat that heart. Well that was easy, bring on the next fodder. No fair you told me he can't die as long as he stays hot. This feels like a mean prank played on me specifically. Sorry dude you've been demoted to team pet now. What do you mean none of these fuckers are dead yet. Did...did they just eat their boss. I'm a simple woman, I hear "that escalated quickly" and I laugh and clap like a trained seal. Hey look, Nanao gets to do something. What the fuck is that guy. Oh christ he has a magic groupie. Alright you've worn out the joke you can go ahead and die now. I genuinely can't tell if this guy is wearing pants. Oh right, the Visored captains exist. Meanwhile Ichigo has moved a whole five feet. Are you a bad enough dude to save the Soul Society? Exorcist- Is this supposed to make us want her to get rescued? I can't believe Shima of all people was smart enough to pull this spy thing off. Bro she's gonna fucking hate you even more now. Shiemi doesn't know how to use a cell phone. I still don't understand Puppet Kid. Did they let him take the sword on a plane? What bonkers conspiracy is next, the Earth being flat? Sorry Charlie Brown your friend's been an asshole this whole time. Yeah cheer up you just got backstabbed by your best friend what's the big deal. Yeah bro I'm sure "I didn't look at your unconscious tits" is really gonna make her feel better. Oooh now it's finally getting interesting. Alright I'll give it to ya, shit's fucked up. Jesus christ what the fuck are you. I'd like to get off this ride now please. At least Mephisto continues to be a delight. Is that a Miku shirt. Welcome to Foxney World, kids. Glad y'all are having fun while your friend's trapped on Epstein Island. Oh fuck me, Pupper Kid got a larger puppet. Well I'll be damned, he actually did something. Now's not the fucking time, Shima! Wow, Shima fucking sucks. One Piece- That poor blind bastard is so damn confused. Congrats on your 5000 new kids, Luffy. Yeah I'm sure these randos have a chance at winning here. Adoption denied, guys. I enjoy Zoro's casual alcoholism. Y'all should have tried doing this ceremony with meat. He doesn't need a title he's just in it for sheer love of fighting dudes. See, Barto gets it and that's why he's king of the fanboys. Not now randos, we were having a moment! You're a good dude, Fujitora. Everybody drink! Zoro chugging in the background. Somebody might wanna get Leo to a hospital before he dies of alcohol poisoning. Fuck yeah, you party right now. Sai, shut up and go fuck your wife. Don't let Leo drive that bug he's drunk as hell. We can just start a new Navy with Fujitora and Smoker in charge. Aww Wicca gets to hang out with Zoro one more time. Who the fuck invited Bellamy. Show I swear to fucking god if you jam Rebecca's tragic flashback in here one more time. We should bring Moocy with us. Awww Dilf gets a good ending I'm happy for him. Law being forced to have fun against his will. Don't worry Law I'm sure this alliance will end any day now.

Dan the Dan- Guys you don't have to keep hanging out with her just because she died. Hey you leave my hot grandma wife out of this. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. You weren't chosen by shit, you found his wandering testicle! I love you, hot grandma. Okarun is a good boy. Oh my god what. Nut acquired but at what cost. Shut up kids you're married. HOMEWRECKER! Cut your losses kid, do you reall need two nuts? You're on the Saitama fitness plan now. You go away! Girl that was just porn. Quick can we find some other wholesome dumbass to pawn her off on? Goddammit just talk to each other. Fuck yeah, mantis shrimp! "Girlfriend's talking to the shrimp." He's gone full Deku. Yeah that's probably normal. Fuck off, girl. Is it a giant mantis shrimp? The fuck is that. Alright we wandered into Jurassic Park. Use that girl as a human shield. The FUCK is that. He's so cool in demon mode. OH NO NOT THESE GUYS AGAIN. Girl they are gonna steal your vagina. Everyone wants this poor boy's junk. I'm calling the cops. Well that's new. Oh hey, she gets powers too. Bleach- I'm gonna laugh really hard if we see Momo get stabbed again. I can respect the flair for dramatic irony of killing these idiots with their own powers. Dimestore Wolverine is on the job. Urahara doing a surprising amount of work while Mayuri was busy turning himself into a giant Light Bright. The power bill this month is gonna be off the fucking chart. Jesus look at those things I'd rather just die. I just assumed you took an edible and had a nap. Everybody take these random pills I handed out, it'll be fun. This is what anti-vaxxers think will happen if you get a flu shot. She brought a gun to a sword fight. Oh guy you missed that filler arc where all the swords came to life. Matsumoto's fine she's just sleeping off a hangover. I'm rooting for Fire Dipshit here. God Shinji your hair is just so bad. Oh right, he's a really annoying video game mechanic. I don't remember why he has a 69 tattoo and by god do not explain it to me. I'm sure this will get unbearably obnoxious soon but the luchador shit gave me a genuine laugh there. Meanwhile that girl came here to fuck a furry. For fuck's sake shut up. This is how I feel when I don't take my nausea meds in the morning. What the hell is this background music. Time for some bullshit. Y'know I completely forgot what Ichigo's even doing here. Exorcist- What's your deal, puppet kid? Illuminati confirmed. Great job you dumb bastards fucked it up. Shura's not drunk enough for this. Goddamn she is pulling off that dress. Alright kids combine all five of your brain cells and see what you can do. I'm sure there's a point to it but there's no possible way I could find this kid less threatening. Hey can you make my insanely overpriced boyfriend figures come to life, just curious. Hey look, Shima does something cool for once. Okay that's new. Control your boner, kiddo. Is his power just Toy Story? I respect that they go out of their way to animate Shura's boobs jiggling whenever they can find an excuse. She's terrible just let her get kidnapped. WHAT. How are you a spy, we just met your entire family are they all spies? You're all idiots I'm just here for Shura in that dress. Biblically accurate bullshit. Hey, Mephisto's here! Take off the mask are you hot. Yeah we'll experience true peace once everyone is murdered by demons. I'd follow Mephisto into hell. Yeah sure go ahead and take her but why. And then everyone died. Shit's on fire, yo. Good fucking luck, hundreds of random kids who just go here for school. I find puppet kid being useful to be the least plausible thing here. One Piece- Cheese it! If you told me I had to run three miles I'd tell you to just shoot me. Don't worry it doesn't count as running away if you're being carried via giant fist against your will. Oh that's a lotta debris about to kill everybody. We should take that announcer with us. Goddammit Fujitora I thought you were cool. Joke's on you, this lunatic fucking loves fighting. What the hell did you see, my dude? Sure we could have used some of that rubble as material to rebuild our destroyed country but you're right, it's better that you chuck it into the ocean to kill the one guy who helped. Remember, fuck the government. Operation "let's all be meat shields" is a go! Fujitora is so fucking confused. Shut up and let me date Kyros already. I hope somebody's got a hold of Zoro or he'll run right off that path. Might have blinded yourself a little too early, old man. Cool boat. GIANTS. Everyone is on the crew now, I guess. I can't do math but that's a lot of pirates. Sai objectivley won this arc. Barto is still having his best day ever. Give him a minute he can't count that high.

If Kubo didn't want me to say his characters looked like they fucked a pig, then he shouldn't make characters who look like they fucked a pig. Dan the Dan- Oh no we're getting a tragic backstory for that ghost aren't we. Look guys maybe we should just give the bitch to that crazy ghost lady. I hope you take this opportunity to get your nuts back. MY LEG. Ah damn our boy can't fight. BEAT HER ASS. I love Turbo Granny so much. Nut acquired! I'm glad she's dead. I think that's how Jotaro brought Joseph back. Thanks, creepy ghost lady. Well that's horrifying. Oh no this is gonna get depressing isn't it. Hey it's the dress. Hey quick question why am I already crying. Oh goddammit we can't have nice things. Jesus fucking christ. Someone please hug creepy ghost lady. No seriously, can we keep creepy ghost lady on the team instead? Oh goddammit, it gets worse! Well instead, you grew up to be a total bitch that your mom would probably hate. Awww Okarun. OH GODDAMMIT, IT GETS WORSE. Shit hurts, guys. Oh hey, you might not be such a heinous bitch . Bleach- I hate all of you. The hell you mean without warning, there was a fucking poem telling you exactly when they'd show up! Maybe I'll get lucky and everyone will kill each other. The call was coming from inside the house. Dear god what is Mayuri wearing. Man, that sun baby from Teletubbies really went off the rails. Hey, this one's got Grimmjow vibes and that makes him almost sorta tolerable. Aaand there's the fire powers, I've already killed him. Show literally nobody gives a shit about that fat fuck. At least Matsumoto's drunk ass is having a good time. POCKET SAND. Welp, fire dipshit sure was a disappointment. I literally forgot Nanao existed for most of the series. You can go ahead and kill that fat fuck, in fact I'd prefer it. GUN. Stay out of this lesbian I want him to die. Seriously this asshole looks like Aizen if his parents were blood relatives and one of them was also a farm animal. I cannot take anything seriously while Mayuri's standing there in that outfit. Oh hey, fire dipshit's still kicking. Surprise, ice melts. Surprise, this jackass is an enemy stand! I'm not lucky enough for any of them to be dead. There are so many fingerbang jokes we could be making here. Urahara's just out here for shits and giggles. Oh good, for a second I was worried there'd be some actual real consequences to everybody charging in without a plan and getting their shit stolen. Meanwhile, Ichigo is subjected to amateur freeform poetry. Exorcist- Didn't expect a prom episode and yet here we are. Sorry kids no homos allowed. Wait what do you mean Shiemi's not a student, she goes to class and wears a uniform. Well one of you is gonna have to put on a dress. Oh hey, puppet kid. Come on girls you could do worse than these two. Bon's definitely not beating the gay allegations anytime soon. Nevermind, Shiemi was a moot point. Man who would have guessed these horny teenagers would act like horny teenagers. Oh good, an excuse for her to be even more of an unlikable bitch. Good job girl you've killed him. Great job boy you've killed her. Save me from this teenage bullshit, Shura's boobs. Mephisto's just out here having a good time and I'm happy for him. Boy howdy Shiemi is real fucking stupid. Shut up and put on the dress, Charlie Brown. Mephisto continues to be a delight. Why are you such an unlikeable bitch literally all the time? Just kiss already you idiots. It's a festival how dare you try to have fun with me. Oh hey, puppet kid again. The hell is this? One Piece- Man, Cora was hot. Man, Law is hot. I love that Sengoku just has a random gorilla and nobody questions it. Me and Cora could have been happy together but I'm not allowed to have nice things. We're never gonna learn the alphabet at this rate. Twist that knife a little harder, show. Meanwhile Barto's still out here living his best life. Yeah sure, go ahead and destroy more of the country while you're at it. Now's not the time, announcer man! For fuck's sake do not let Rebecca try and help. Oh sure, now the navy's gonna do its fucking job. Hey, Luffy's here. Barto is the best. And then Luffy attacked a defenseless blind man. I'd follow you into hell, you weird little gremlin. It's nice that he's yelling out his attacks to help out the blind guy. These fists are ADA-compliant. He's a good kid. Fujitora killed him, show's over.

Didn't expect tonight's theme to be slut shaming and yet here we are. Dan the Dan- We gotta find his family jewels. I love that Turbo Granny is just here as a sassy plushie. Back off dude they're married. BEAT HIS ASS, OKARUN. Do not trust that plushie. Just kiss each other already. Her friends are right, he's a good dude. Gee it sure would be unfortunate if this jackass got hit with a metal tub again. What a bitch. Ah damn of course she found his balls. Maybe we'll luck out and she'll get eaten by a ghost immediately. I don't think this is how he wanted his balls to be handled by a girl. I'm glad everyone thinks she's crazy. I love Turbo Granny so much. BEAT HER ASS, MOMO. Girl this ain't even the weirdest shit she's seen this week. Balls in your face. "That's a gold plated dude nut!" Just let the ghost eat her. Forget her, untie your girlfriend! Whelp he's eaten, show's over. Shut up. Give that girl back her phone! I'm glad she got eaten and I hope she's dead. There's at least one person out there begging this ghost mommy to step on them. It was a fucking lighter. Now for the ass beating! Bleach- SOMEONE LEFT A BABY, IGNORE ME. I always like how the show uses OPs as an excuse to put everybody in fun outfits. Yeah we know, everyone sucks. Meanwhile at Nazi headquarters, I already find most of you annoying. So I guess they're just cool with the fact that destroying the Soul Society will straight up end the world? Successor to what, this fight is gonna destroy the world! REACTION SHOTS. Hope that nut was worth it, rando. Gross! Why is there a luchador here. In a surprise twist no one saw coming, they're all annoying. Why does that one guy look like he's the result of Aizen fucking a pig. At least Epcar's having a good time here as Quincy Hitler. Yeah you're the only one who survived...except for your dad...and also Ichigo and his siblings if you wanna get technical. Tonight's episode is brought to you by the letter A. Guys, Urahara could not give a single whistling shit about you and neither did Kubo. I mean he's already some fucked up amalgamation of every supernatural creature, I'm guessing he surpassed basic Soul Reaper there. Oh hey, it's the rest of the Vizoreds. Oh hell don't open a box from Mayuri. Hey look, Rukia gets to be in the show! Yes I'm sure we were all very concerned that Byakuya wouldn't be back. Where the hell did you get a phone, did y'all always have phones? Oh hey, it's the other kids. As a special treat, Tatsuki's allowed to exist for a whole five minutes. Don't bother giving those guest passes to Ichigo's actual family or anything. Get ready, it's time for the real bullshit to start. There was literally a nursery rhyme about this with exact times and you dumb assholes were still caught offguard? Exorcist- Now that's an NDA. Dimestore Urahara wants the deets, kiddo. Could somebody please just kill that fucker already. Why is Abe Lincoln here? You're going through some kinda ominous demon puberty, kid. It's nice that Yukio gets to act like an actual normal teenager every now and then. Priest Dad was so cool. I enjoy Mephisto's pure lack of fucks to give. It seems weird that they're just scheduling demon exorcisms instead of dealing with them right away. Time to drag Moaning Myrtle out of the shitter. Oh good, Shiemi and the unlikable bitch are here to fuck it up. How many times is she gonna have to learn this "maybe I shouldn't be such a caustic bitch to this one specific girl" lesson again? This just reminds me that Mean Girls is such a good movie. Not even the fox minions give a crap. This is just gonna make her hate you more. Okay the surprise drag show got me. Fucking Russians, amirite. Dimestore Urahara's having a good time. I've seen shows that made a couple seconds feel like four or five months. The what now? WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING DIE. One Piece- What do you mean your princess, you assholes hated her like a week ago! I'm always surprised when anyone's smart enough to use seastone on Luffy. It's really funny to me how little anyone cares that they might shoot the princess hostage. Good thing Luffy rubbed two braincells together here because Rebecca sure wasn't gonna help herself. Date me, Kyros. Oh my goooooooooood stop showing this same tragic goddamn flashback it's just annoying now. That man's balance skills are off the fucking charts. Literally nobody cares that you're her dad, dumbass. Yes this is very heartwarming now can we please just move on already. Viola is still invited to stab me any time she wants. Well we know where Luffy's been but what's Law up to? They're all dumb as hell but they're good dudes. Yay, the tontottas helped! Mansherry is so cute she can take all my blood. Oh hey, there's Law. I miss Cora he was hot. Oh, you two can bond over this. Snail fax. If you wanna get technical, I guess this is your adopted grandpa.

ALL HAIL TURBO KITTY. Dan The Dan- I'm just now noticing them doing the Carlton dance in the OP and I'm here for it. These two are adorable together. Okarun is suffering. Momo is suffering. Like skeletons, I'm sure aliens poop somehow. Congrats kids you're married. Same brain cell between them. Oh my god just turn your heads. They're made for each other. Dick trouble again? I like her friends. Oh hey she's cute. A challenger appears! Ohhhh look who's jealous. False alarm, she's a bitch and we gotta kill her. Thank you, Momo! MY BALLS. I love you Grandma. Grandma's gonna beat your ass. Don't mind us we're just gonna rip apart your soul. The Hello Kitty is now possessed. We get to keep Turbo Granny as a sassy mascot. Can he get his balls back now. She's really holding his nuts hostage. I like that his super form is just emo. No let Granny beat her up some more. The fuck you mean you lost his nuts?! Bleach- Date me, Isshin. Oh goddammit the most annoying guy is back. Get in there and pick your weird sword mannequin. Who the hell are you? Oh right, all you idiots lost your bankais. What, is your plan to have too many bankais for the enemy to steal? I forgot Mashiro existed. My dude, Tosen was a traitor who wanted to kill you all. Mayuri's busy working on his next war crime. Does anyone actually care about this fat jackass? Good doggy. Oh this is gonna be some bullshit ain't it. The hell you mean decades, you were hiding two years ago! My dude if you want humans to accept you let me introduce you to the concept of furries. Beat me up next, hoes. Whatever you do, never fucking explain anything. You could just build a normal forge but fuck me for pointing that out. Oh my god, you can't just ask someone why they're white. Yeah sure let's go with that, why the fuck not. Sure, his soul reaper power manifested as a representation of his quincy ancestor from a thousand years ago, why the fuck wouldn't they. I don't think any of this makes sense but I'm not going to go back to 20-year old episodes to check. Fuck it, just enjoy the NUMBER ONE. Now take your two swords and go do something. Gee I wonder if Ishida's really turned evil and isn't just working against them from the inside. Exorcist- He looks different was there some kinda timeskip here. Hey kid guess what, the school's full of ghost and demons. So does nobody ask why this guy has a sword in his normal classes? Mephisto is a delight. That's one fucked up deer thing. Oh good, she's still an unlikeable bitch. Boobs. He's definitely not avoiding a checkup because he's going full demon. I like Mephisto's room. No shit he's a demon, just look at him! Oh hey, are we gonna get some info on Mephisto? He's just out here to have a good time and I respect that. I forgot about their little kitchen demon. He is the puppy you dumb bitch. Your target is this painting of Nico Robin. Rin, being a dumb bastard like always. Having dogshit vision finally saves the day. Oh hey, Charlie Brown grew a pair. That thing's got some massive honkers. Meanwhile in Bumfuck Yemen of all places. Fuck me, now there's a princess? The fuck are you doing here? Ah hell, the sword's a simp. And that's how everbody got demonic pinkeye. "So hey man, the hell's up with you?" Maybe y'all could wipe the demon guts off your face before you go out in public. At least Mephisto's gonna have a fun time. One Piece- Fuck off, come back with a warrant. Barto is our MVP. Hajrudin's doing a great job of hiding there. Good thinking, use Bellamy as a human shield. God I love Law. Luffy's gonna need like six more hams before he's ready to fight. Yes, use all your ammo shooting at the guy who's rubber. For the love of god don't let Zoro lead! Barto's still having the best day ever. Hey it's those guys whose names I definitely remember. They don't even remember their own names! Horse is okay! Hi there everybody. Good thing we can use the remains of Pica's enormous fake ass to rebuild the country. Clearly Luffy just didn't get his fill of punching before. Goddammit Rebecca could you be competent for once. Hey I'm on my way out, you got another lunchbox on you? Look girl I don't like you but your hot dad is a better person than I am. Exit, stage window. I love that announcer. Sure take the shot who cares if you shoot the princess. Maybe instead of chasing these guys around, you could work on rebuilding the entire damn country that's been destroyed. Don't worry, gorilla is here to help. It's okay buddy we've got crackers.