InsaneFox

Yes. This is my life now.

I am enjoying the nostalgia of Classic. Though, mainly I’m just there to gank people.

Shut the fuck up, Patrick.

THAT GUY is such a rude dick...

Whatever you say, Harvey Birdlady.

Holy shit. Maybe you’re the alien?

Could be that he saved you from a deadly ninja ambush with his martial arts abilities.

Bonus points if he did save you.

I mean. I don’t remember seeing your face, so maybe?

While I OD on diahrettics at the same time?

He’s gottem swoonin’ already.

How do you have eagle eyes?

They would just laugh at my skinny penis.

Do it. I am your parent.

I, honestly, am just addicted to whatever drug they put on the ham and turkey. I’ll fucking do sexual favors for more of that sweet delicious lunchmeat crack.

I’ll try to keep this updated as I have more strange encounters. It turns out I think and say and do a lot of weird shit. I only consciously remember to record like a third of it. It also helps that the Lowe’s I work in is in hillbilly central. Good times.

Holy fuck. I like it.

Okay! All caught up!

Scrawling on bathroom stall: “The joke’s in your hand.” Me (aloud): “I don’t need to be called out like this.” Random person in next stall: “You okay over there?” Me: “Yeah, just being insulted by graffiti.” Rando: “Weird, mine usually invites me to go have a good time.”

Me (randomly, for no reason): Wakanda Forever! Will: Really? You don’t seem the type that would be into that. Me: Why? Because I’m white!?! Will: No, you just aren’t that extremist. Me: Wakanda Until I Get Tired Of It! Will: Now that seems more your speed.

Little old lady: I need a switchblade. Me (confused and shocked): *looks over at Jeff M.* Jeff: Right this way. Me: *confusion intensifies* [Quietly to self]: We sell switchblades? Jeff: Just a single switch? Or do you have a few lights? Me: Oh! SwitchPLATES. Much less interesting.

Me: That’s why god invented dollies. Right? Isn’t that in the Bible? “Thou shalt not lift... uh...” Will: “Thou shalt not lift outside your power zone.” Yeah it’s in there.

*in unisex bathroom, because the public bathroom is for peasants* Angry random lady: *knocks on door* Me: Come back with a warrant! *finishes business and leaves room* Lady *standing sassily in the hall*: What reason would you have to use that bathroom? Why can’t you use the normal bathroom? Me: Oh, there are plenty of reasons. *walks away without explaining any of them* Glad I wasn’t on the clock. 😂😂😂

A slightly shadier Beech Grove Lowe’s story: Lady: I need you to point me in the direction of the Lye. Me: Sure, right this way. *tries to keep a straight face as I walk her to the product* Lady: That sounded wrong, I’m not using it for anything bad, I’m making soap for my mother’s birthday present. Me: I wasn’t going to say anything, I don’t wanna get Epstein’d. Lady: *laughs* That was pretty good, though I really am making soap! Me: I’m honestly cool with it either way.

Lowe’s Beech Grove mini story: Customer: I need a flush valve and a handle for a Mansfield toilet. Me: Okay, the valve is 10 dollars and the handle is 6. Customer: Well I ain’t getting it if it’s two separate things. Me: Well, it’s two separate things. Customer: *scoffs* Ridiculous.