jackiemarie90

Ok guys, to give you an example of what he dressed as for Halloween, his own original character, it was a park ranger suit with some kind of cat ears on top. He totally gives off that hippie nature conservationist that's all about saving the planet. So basically I either see jeans or

That may be a good strategy, but I am too shy. 🥺

I don't think that's how that works. XD

So basically instead of worrying on the past fuck ups, or what can happen, focus on our time together now.

Dude, I'm still working on the cuddling stage. >__> But I am considering telling him sooner than the others, that I like him, that I liked him since the first day I moved into the house because he was so kind and explain how I felt.

Thank you for the example, I am going to try to be more confident this round, but if people here have advice, I'm all ears. XD

Wait, what was the point of this gif? Idk, I am back on my bullshit XD

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK WHY, I THINK I ALREADY MAY HAVE FUCKED IT UP TOO, gaaaaaah I keep making these posts about these stupid guys, which clearly shows I have my priorities askew, and yet I am hoping 3rd times the charm. But also, I may have fucked it up already. >___> I only briefly mentioned him once in the last post as "quiet weeb". Honestly, the nicest, of nicest people I ever met. Totally someone who has their life together, he's a phD student studying natural resources, and he said his research was looking at how climate change affected rural regions in Mexico. Oh, he is a white guy, but not like camo guy, more like he is from Washington near seattle and he has that whole hippie, natural vibe and he speaks in a soft manner. Which I like. He also is a runner like I used to be, except for me 13 miles was a lot in the day. This dude runs 20 miles on the weekend. O__O So he is muscular, even more so than both camo and red pants guy. So why haven't I really mentioned him before? Cause he has so many great traits, like being super healthy, super smart, super kind, and I immediately felt like such a fuck up compared to him and never believed their to be a chance. But I accidently flirted 3 days ago >__>... I really didn't mean too, I was just so scared that I accidently grabbed his hand and was sitting next to him, and the moment I did that, I realized I made it obvious that I always had a crush on him. I am now also realizing, I am in this case, "Putting Dick on a Pedestal". I know you guys have accused me of doing this with everyone I like, but that's not true. I never felt like I was out of camo guys' league, and even though I had a crush on red pants guy I wasn't really crushing hard, it was more at a curiosity at this person paying attention to me and the why. But I know for a fact that I am definitely doing that with this guy. And I already fucked up. To make matters more nerve racking, his best friend from Stanford moved into our Co-op, and I'm trying to be nice to make a good impression, but I think the friend thought I was interested in them, making me look like shit. I'm just so nervous that all these incredibly smart, healthy, put together people will reject a ghetto, loud, obnoxious, messy, incredibly flawed me. I'm the girl who is a pothead that makes so many mistakes, and I'm extremely insecure about that and it ruined my focus on the night. So now I look like a shitty option. -__-

I'm certain. I asked everyone a question, since we are all normally morning sleepers, night wakers. I guess they thought I was being accusatory, but really it's just because I'm trying to flip my schedule to go back to waking up in the mornings and I had woke up at noon that day, that's all. But you could easily tell they were nervous. I honestly, I hate that. I hate how my sensitive feelings can make others uncomfortable. I just don't want to be that person who makes things uncomfortable or in the way. I really need to step back, and focus on myself. I don't feel bad, it's not a big deal, just got to be less of an awkward nerd. lol

Oh my goodness!! GONGRATS!!!

It's a part of life.

So didn't really see or talk to them yesterday. As I am friends with the girl he was making out with at the party. All three of have hanged out to watch movies or shows a couple of times and smoke pot. But I did see them today. And they looked nervous as hell. You know why? Cause they already know I liked him. In fact it is so god dam pathetic that everyone in the house knows I liked him. I have another weeb friend who seems too quiet to hang out with me, but when we do talk, and I mention red pants guy's name, he gets a sad look on his face. Cause he knows that red pants guys is a chill dude who enjoys life and fucks. While my dweeb depressed ass barely has an energy to be some male ideal sexpot. There is another friend who I also mentioned red pants guy too, and he also have me a sad as fuck face knowing I'm a dumb ass for having a crush. But that's all it was guys, it's not like I was in love with him, I didn't really know him. They were even giving it each warily glances and trying to steal whispers while we were all cooking together in the kitchen. I'm pretty quick to pick small actions in front of me because of my adhd. But I was smiling and humming the whole time. I was making a BLT and she asked to join and if I could make extra bacon for her and then he asked as well. It was awkward as hell for them, it was so fucking obvious from how they were acting. It's whatever. Like guys, it may not seem like it, but I am a pretty good judge of character from the start. I'm just very empathetic of people and choose to look at them through a human perspective. I know how I am perceived in this world so many different people have shouted it at me at my face. I know I act obnoxious and loud, and even though I can post a good photo with the right angles, it doesn't mean I'm really am people actually desire. I'm really not upset, or honestly not surprised, I was smiling on molly when I saw them making out. And only felt like shit cause I realized I was the person in the way.

There was a girl crying in my room last night how she had a crush on a guy when she first moved in, they slept together and the next day in bed he had told her he was still in love with his ex. I don't think I want to risk that feeling. And those stories are all too common.

I'm not looking for the fast and casual. That's why it probably isn't a good fit.

I think they have been making out a lot, maybe more. He had planned to make out with her I think. I've seen them cuddle and hold each other in embrace all the time. It's like a plutonic thing, but compared to these girls, I really don't compete. I have depression that kills my sex drive immensely. I wouldn't say I'm against sex, rarely I do have cravings. But I'm much more of a demi sexual person. I'm more attracted to people's emotions and how they treat me. I sense that he feels that way too. But I also don't think I can satisfy most men sexually. I would look for a relationship to make me feel safe before opening up to people like that.

That's what people say, but it's really an overprotection of myself. I don't want to risk getting hurt.

When I came here, I didn't originally plan on dating, I should kind of go back to do that. XD

I had suspicions for awhile. But was confused when he started hanging out more, etc. But was on rolling again with a house party and his friends there. And he was making out with another girl friend, and I was just by myself chilling, smoking and listening to music. I actually don't feel bad, I came to realization that he didn't like while on molly that night, and I just felt really stupid for always asking him to hang out and bothering him. I'm such a cringyeg weeb guiz, I miss so many queues in the room. >__> Honestly, the thing that makes me upset, is one, how stupid I can be, and two people who insist they have to be good friends with everybody. I feel like once I told people the truth about my past, the truth about being a geek who bullied in school, had boys spit in my hair, etc. I feel like some guys need to prove like they are NOT like that, or maybe there was some girl they were mean to in the past, and they feel they can make up that scenario by being nice to someone like me years later. Like this palpable over kindness that never reaches the person's smile. To be honest, this upsets me the most. It's a fake kindness, and I hate so many things that are fake. It's a fake hope, the person will eventually find out you don't REALLY like hanging out with them, and that person will just feel like shit. Idk, I'm not mad at anyone except myself for not seeing it clearly sooner. The fast pace of casual college relationships can be quite over whelming for a dweeb like me. lol But I do feel good today, and need to figure out how to focus on myself.

It's the being comfortable with my clothes off with strangers that is terrifying. It's them using me and moving on to not care that terrifies me. It's the reason why I didn't sleep with camo guy even tho he made it clear he wanted to fuck me. A part of me always knew he was bad news so that's why I never went with it. I really just want to trust my body with people I feel comfortable with.

SO I WAS WATCHING ANIME WITH HIM AGAIN TODAY, AND I HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY: "Who is your senpai?" "Who do you fancy?" And things got quiet guiz, and I think he gave me a response but I was too fucking scared to believe it could be true cause he said: "You are watching the PBS network" And my wishful ass was thinking, does he mean "with viewers like you, does that mean he likes ?" So I just pretend to move the conversation on, gaaaahhhhh

I kinda have a weird thing about touching people who I'm not comfortable with. It takes A LOT for me to be comfortable touching people.

We live in the same house edit: and he has done it before, he just wants to chill in his room for the night

Yeah we both have insomnia. But he wants to chill, it's understandable, but the internet makes me seem like a better to date person than I actually am. These boys don't really care and everyone fucks everyone else in college. XD

One time I asked if we could play anime ops during our cookshift and that's when I hit him with the 🥺 emoticon and he laughed at me. >__> I'm not that cute guiz lol

I was saying that not many people where invested in the name. I personally prefer weeb with the long hair. XD