garbagepailcat Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Have any of you ever gone through the process of getting a restraining order, or have you ever had a restraining order placed against you? I’m at a really difficult point in my life rn, and I think for my own mental health and personal safety, I’m going to start the process of getting a restraining order against my ex this Monday. Background information: I dated a guy on and off (mostly on) for 7 years. I broke up with him over a month ago and am now seeing someone new. My ex keeps showing up at my house unannounced and not leaving when I ask him to. I’ve had to change my phone number, but he still emails me on my college email account. He is now making threats about publicly sharing some really personal information. All of this is really trashy. I’ve already done some research about it, and I think that I have the grounds to do it. Idk. I just wanted to put it into the weird universe of the internet and see if anyone had any experience with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cau Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I have no experience but that seems like one shitty dude and you should definitely go for it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenigundam Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I have, but the girl who got the TRO against me just needed time and space because she was being irrational and didn't know how to deal with things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginguy Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 You should be able to get at least a TRO based on the unwillingness to leave and general harassment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zenigundam Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 1 minute ago, Ginguy said: You should be able to get at least a TRO based on the unwillingness to leave and general harassment. He was fine until the threatening and refusing to leave parts. You can show up unannounced; it's very old school and alpha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 My last gf just did this in September, similar situation -- guy she last dated 2 years ago would use infinite emails to spam her college email account, would periodically call and provide details that prove he is somewhere outside her house watching, lotta deranged soul mate stuff. She went to the law boys and got a restraining order and also had the option of going to the university they both attend to try to get him suspended or kicked out of school, but decided against that since he's crazy and has guns and little to live for as is and that's something you have to consider since some people are so shitty. There's been no emails or any contact since. It only took one day, no having to face him in court or anything but idk details beyond that, nothing helpful. Sorry ur having to suffer this trash fool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 (edited) That sounds awful. If you want more perspective, you can always create a throwaway account on reddit. There's always someone there with two cents. Edited November 18, 2017 by bnmjy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbagepailcat Posted November 18, 2017 Author Share Posted November 18, 2017 48 minutes ago, Cau said: I have no experience but that seems like one shitty dude and you should definitely go for it The entire situation is shitty. On some weird empathetic level, I feel sorry for the guy and can somewhat understand his behavior. Idk man. It’s fucking me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbagepailcat Posted November 18, 2017 Author Share Posted November 18, 2017 47 minutes ago, Zenigundam? said: I have, but the girl who got the TRO against me just needed time and space because she was being irrational and didn't know how to deal with things. Logical Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbagepailcat Posted November 18, 2017 Author Share Posted November 18, 2017 (edited) 36 minutes ago, Ginguy said: You should be able to get at least a TRO based on the unwillingness to leave and general harassment. What differentiates a TRO from a regular restraining order? The time obviously, but how do I keep him away forever? Edited November 18, 2017 by garbagepailcat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbagepailcat Posted November 18, 2017 Author Share Posted November 18, 2017 23 minutes ago, Nabloom said: My last gf just did this in September, similar situation -- guy she last dated 2 years ago would use infinite emails to spam her college email account, would periodically call and provide details that prove he is somewhere outside her house watching, lotta deranged soul mate stuff. She went to the law boys and got a restraining order and also had the option of going to the university they both attend to try to get him suspended or kicked out of school, but decided against that since he's crazy and has guns and little to live for as is and that's something you have to consider since some people are so shitty. There's been no emails or any contact since. It only took one day, no having to face him in court or anything but idk details beyond that, nothing helpful. Sorry ur having to suffer this trash fool. It does sound like a very similar situation. My ex keeps parking at the end of my driveway (I live in the woods and have a really long driveway), and I only know that he’s there when he decides to waltz into my house or tap on my window in the middle of the night. I worry that he’s doing it a lot more than I’m aware of. He also waits around the college campus to talk to me where I can’t really escape him without causing a scene. He already tried to commit suicide recently over this, so I do have a really big fear of him doing it again. He also has guns and is a scary dude in general. It’s good to know that it’s not a long process though, so thanks. I was anticipating it taking a few days and involving lots of paperwork. Do you happen to know if she had to explain the entire situation to someone or if it was more just like “here’s my money. Keep this person away from me.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbagepailcat Posted November 18, 2017 Author Share Posted November 18, 2017 21 minutes ago, bnmjy said: That sounds awful. If you want more perspective, you can always create a throwaway account on reddit. There's always someone there with two cents. That’s not a bad idea, but I probably won’t do it. I am considering talking to one of my professors about the situation though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 17 minutes ago, garbagepailcat said: It does sound like a very similar situation. My ex keeps parking at the end of my driveway (I live in the woods and have a really long driveway), and I only know that he’s there when he decides to waltz into my house or tap on my window in the middle of the night. I worry that he’s doing it a lot more than I’m aware of. He also waits around the college campus to talk to me where I can’t really escape him without causing a scene. He already tried to commit suicide recently over this, so I do have a really big fear of him doing it again. He also has guns and is a scary dude in general. It’s good to know that it’s not a long process though, so thanks. I was anticipating it taking a few days and involving lots of paperwork. Do you happen to know if she had to explain the entire situation to someone or if it was more just like “here’s my money. Keep this person away from me.” She did have to explain it all but I don't know if she had to show emails he sent, etc. I'll ask for a step by step of the process and will bump this later tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginguy Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 52 minutes ago, garbagepailcat said: What differentiates a TRO from a regular restraining order? The time obviously, but how do I keep him away forever? A TRO is a lower standard in terms of evidence. It also expires, which you know. A Court No Contact Order (full blown stay the F away or go to jail) usually has a higher standard, you have to show a sustained pattern of conduct. This is why you should save emails, document any unwanted contact, has your current BF be prepared to testify that your ex is stalking/harassing etc.. Obviously any police contact is going to weigh in on this as well. Typically, and this varies by State, you start with a TRO, and if he violates it, then he goes to jail and you can get the full no contact order pretty easily. If the TRO expires and he starts again, then you have to go back to court and inform them, and usually you can get a no contact order. If you are in school, your school may have a process to aid you in this as well, including legal advice or campus police protection. I would certainly check into that as well. It might be easier to start there, if it escalates from there then city and state police can be involved. Good luck with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greeny Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Get a gun. Next time he trespasses, you know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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