Codename: Jackass

Can you imagine what his dick must look like? All shriveled and he probably can't get it up anymore. Dude probably has a FUPA.

That's the only way to get his attention, though.

The president isn't my daddy, though.

Turn your head and cough while I cup your scrote.

I personally know a urologist who thrives on causing discomfort during prostate exams.

You're an odd duck.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... Very well. Where shall I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink... he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. He would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the kind of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons... in the spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum, I suggest you try it.

Smoke and a pancake? No? Cigarette and a waffle? No? Pipe and a crepe? No? Bong and a blintz? Ah, I see there is no pleasing you.

We've got ourselves a contender.

How about a pasta salad full of green olives?

I'm craving a hot dog with brown mustard, onions and saurkraut now.

Full transparency, I won't actively seek out zucchini or eggplant, but I won't refuse it if given to me, either.

Because it's sour? Because it's fermented? Because of its strange texture? Because of the caraway seeds?

DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT SAURKRAUT

This is more about weeding out grown people with children's palates.

My score: zero points.

Give yourself ONE (1) point for every item on this list that you will not eat. (You are exempt from giving yourself a point if you have an allergy to a particular food.) Person with the most points get the title "PICKY WEENIE LOSER EATER". pickles onions green olives black olives mayonnaise ketchup broccoli kombucha dark chocolate avocados mustard blue cheese radishes beets cabbage brussels sprouts raw fish oysters shrimp tofu tomatoes zucchini spinach asparagus celery eggplant mushrooms beans grapefruit raisins

I think the best part about that run was when they murked the Lakers 4-0 a year after their championship and Andrew Bynum was talking some mad shit, then he got his shit slapped for elbowing J.J. Barea in the ribs.

I already have a job, I was just fishing for replies.

I don't want to stop smoking WEED dude.

oh fuck I forgot to log into my Phillies alt

I fucking hate normies and don't wanna work anything close to food service. What are some comfy jobs I can get with no experience necessary?

Good day, Mr. Hubbb.