Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 These help a lot. I've tried the plastic ones, but I find the metal ones last longer when stirring boiling water. Get the biggest spatula you can. The small ones don't have much effect when you're trying to swat your children away from the stove. Whistlecubes are great for making music, but they can also be used to ensure that all of your spaghetti is straight. You're not a real cook if you don't own a rolling baton. You can flatten even the thickest steak with this. Or, use it to mash potatoes like you would with a baseball bat. Basters help when you need to squirt your dog with boiling water but don't want to handle the water with your bare hands. Important note: you can't administer insulin with this. While medieval torture devices come in many shapes and sizes, you want one that has a sturdy grip and a high-quality point at one end. Remember: clockwise for kills, counterclockwise for thrills. Food megaphones can let you hear even the quietest foods. Most kitchen utensils aren't very useful when attempting to achieve a prostate orgasms. The citrus and butt-reamer is designed exactly for this purpose. Remember to wash well before using it on your citrus. Fingerslicers often come with superfluous accessories. But you don't need them to slice your fingers to the bone. I used to use knives to slice my fingers, but I found that once I'd sliced them enough, I couldn't hold the knives any longer. The fingerslicer is an elegant solution. Debilitation mitts are the ideal way to conceal your lost digits... or not! They come in many styles and they're a great conversation starter. You can also hang them up to ward away evil kitchen spirits. Roller dockers are very effective at simulating a giant tarantula skittering up you neck. The testicle loom is a great way to maintain a constant threat of castration. Display it proudly to proclaim your dominance in all things kitchen. And last but not least is my scale, the Ozeri Pro Digital Kitchen Food Scale. This scale is unique in that it makes everything you put on it weightless. Don't step on it, though, or you'll float away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Thanks for bumping my thread man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mini_ghost420 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I have to use a food megaphone to hear pudding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 I've been using my testicle loom a lot lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mini_ghost420 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 can I borrow it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codename: Jackass Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 No it's mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mini_ghost420 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 too bad I'm gonna use it anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue_Alphonse Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 What about cooking just the tips? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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