LoverDemon Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 (edited) More nostalgia I managed to grab up. Issue #23: Zombie Grandma Christmas Spoiler Main Story: Mystery Guest - Drew By: Editor IBT - So how about that interview... SD - Shoot. IBT - First Question: What's it like working for Adult Swim? Any cool benefits to brag about? SD - I've been here a little more than a year, and I still have to pinch myself about where I work. It is the coolest place I worked... Like, once, I was in a hallway mtg and some guy came thru on a skate board... All'a the people here are real laid backno micro-managing - but we all are invested in the product.IBT - Sounds like my type of job. SD - Benefits? We get swag like shirts, dvds, etc. and I get to watch the shows (on the viddy section) 1 - 2 days before they premiere. But more than that, I get to WORK for [as], like I get to put jokes in the pages. The first time I felt "YESS!" was when somebody on the boards found a joke element in one'a the pages... hang on...IBT - Like little easter eggs... SD - Hmm -- looking for the thread where somebody found an element I named 5318008... They were like "the programmers on the site have a wierd sense of humor" -- and I was just beside myself. I consider myself very lucky to be able to work here. IBT - It sounds like your dream come true. Speaking of which, how did you acquire your job here? SD - A recruiter. This one recruiter was trying to place me for years, but she would always contact me right after I landed a job... This happened like 3 times, and she promised she would find the right job to woo me away. I was a contract Web Developer at a large vacation entitiy in Orlando. The day after I became a full employee with benefits and the works, she called with this job. I discussed w/my wife, and made the decision to persue it.IBT - Have you moved through the ranks at all since your joining Adult Swim or have you been in the same position this whole time? SD - Same position, basically... Before we hired Humbug, I was inundated with all the day-to-day web dev tasks (minor page tweaks, a new page here or there)... Now, I'm lead developer on projects.IBT - Ah, the big head honcho... SD - Naw, my boss is the one in charge of development, and then his boss is the Creative Director.IBT - I take it they prefer to remain anonymous? They must enjoy using you as a lightening rod for complaints - even if the issue at hand is not related to you. SD - Ha! -- they call(ed) me fan boy, cuz I get super enthused with new features, pages, shows I as a fan would want to see, use, etc. They find it humorous that I get blamed for everything (esp when we have to push back a date, or something). But I take very little (including myself) seriously so I get a huge kick out of it. IBT - I can't imagine anyone lasting as long as you have if they were to take it all seriously. SD - Not in this job, nor in life as a whole...IBT - So true. So how did you end up as our community administrator on top of your other duties? SD - Right before Torrent put in his 2 weeks, I asked to become an admin so as to be a point of contact for technical issues. Also, on a deeper level. I wanted to be able to interact w/ our fan base... When Torrent left, my boss wanted the main guy to be technical (cuz most of the issues are code based) and he wanted someone to be able to talk with the lithium engineers on issues. Now that CJ is here, we're splitting the day-to-day duties. And as we add new features to the boards, site, etc., we'll need that divide -- kind'a like an outside and middle linebacker.IBT - Yeah. Plus, it gives you more time to change the filters... SD - heh... IBT - Always a positive... Which filter was your favorite, by the way? I'm partial to "tI;dr" myself. SD - I may have my filters messed up - it was either squiddly-diddly or and in one guy's rant it appears... People thought he was making a joke and his response was "I am not amused." LAWLZ! Any time I find a real off-the-wall expression, I crack myself up. Around here, 17860240 - 29 or so.IBT - That's great! SD - I admit that I become drunk with power that night... It was like right after I became admin.IBT - I'm sure no one holds it against you... Maybe... SD - I believe if anyone on the boards were given a button that caused mischief and mayhem, would use it. This is adult swim after all. We're all anarchists and jackasses...IBT - To get back to administration from our filter tangent, what's it like working with our current moderators? SD - We have a kick-** rabble ** group'a mods. And I ain't just sayin that... They put up w/a lotta crap, they have to deal w/an admin like me , and we are real lucky to have them. For example, some yahoo started talking smack on another channel's message board, then came back here. One'a the mods from there came to our boards, harassing the punk. Then he slammed our mods. They [ASMB mods] hold themselves to a higher standard, and I appreciate that. We couldn't have a boards w/o them -- and I'm glad they have a good sense of humor. IBT - I heard rumors of a potential re-modding of Deus, especially moreso in light of the three recent retirees. Is there any possible truth to this? SD - I've heard that rumor too but I don't want to say anything that will incriminate me one way or another... I will say that I do not choose mods. No one person does.IBT - Is it like a general consensus among the staff? SD - Sort of... I've made the joke before, we should make an online reality show named '[as] next top mods' - make contestants go thru a rigorous, yet pointless, string of activities...IBT - Here's a question: What types of daily jobs do you do while at work? SD - When I started, it was all day-to-day content -- updating the splash page each week (was a javascript array that was dependent on the user's computer time); updating the index2 page content every other day, getting game pages ready. Then we hired Humbug to do the day-to-day activities. I built an engine to dynamically write the splash page, and we made the index2 page a template, so our writers could update it. And now I'm on projects...IBT - Projects - things to come? SD - I can't go into what exactly i'm working on, but it is REAAL Fing cool! As a fan, I am real excited. And it ain't just one project - it's a few projects... IBT - Do you have any sort of timeline as when we can expect these projects or is it too early to tell? SD - One within the next few weeks, the other within a month or so *fingers crossed*... The first one was supposed to launch in January or February, but we were asked to redesign it the day before launch. As an [as] fan, I am glad we re-worked it. It looks a lot more [as] compared to the first pass.IBT - That's good to hear. So are you bound to complete secrecy or would you perhaps be willing to give us any sort of inkling as to what these projects are related to in the grand scheme of things? SD - I like to keep this stuff a secret. Some board members have already been selected to help in one aspect of it. One'a the mods hinted at a part of it at one time. The FC is all but gone, but what we are replacing it with isn't so much what the FC was, a vehicle for individual content. The new features will allow for more board-to-site and site-to-board interaction... Is that vague enough?IBT - It's a lot more than I thought I'd get out of you, actually. SD - Lets just say I will be VERY relieved when all this stuff launches -- and I will be excited to make the announcements...IBT - I guess we'll end here. I appreciate that you're willing to use some of your designated slacking time for this. SD - I appreciate someone wants to listen to me. IBT - No problem, if you want to look at it that way. SD - You do know my team of attorneys will deny everything you write... Goodbye, avatars. By: Editor Well folks, it's finally happened. All the avatars belonging to shows that are no longer owned by [as] have been removed. Good ones, bad ones, a lot of memories and good times. Regardless of your opinion on losing all these icons, I'm sure that every one of us can agree to ask this one thing - WHY DID WE HAVE TO LOSE ALL THOSE INSTEAD OF THE INUYASHA ONES?!?!?!?!?!? If you feel it necessary to rant about it, .Com is the perfect folder for you. Why you shouldn't drink Turpentine.By InsaneFox In this world, many of the things we take for granted as 'pleasurable' or 'totally hip' are, in fact, 'totally not hip'. Now you may have thought many times in your life, "Hey, this bottle of Turpentine looks tasty, maybe I should try just a little bit of it," but I warn you, stop for a second and read the label. You will be unpleasantly surprised. However, since you're reading this newspaper, it's safe to assume that MOST of you went ahead and took a swig anyway. Perhaps you took two swigs.... though I'd bet money you had many more. Regardless, I'm here to tell you the dangers of Turpentine, both as a drink AND as an inhalant. For those of you who have siblings, be sure to keep an eye on your mentally-handicapped children... they're the ones who are most at risk of turpentine related accidents. Well them and old people, but none of you will likely make it to that age so it's a moot point. As a starting point, we'll examining the harmful effects of Turpentine vapors. Being an organic compound, Turpentine poses many of the same hazards as other substances that you should have been taught NOT to inhale. The fumes from Turpentine alone can burn the skin and eyes, the lungs and respiratory system, as well as your central nervous system. But don't think that as long as you don't breathe it in, drinking it will be fine. Among various stomach issues, a primary concern with Turpentine ingestion is RENAL FAILURE. Renal Failure is basically failure of your kidneys. Symptoms of this include oliguria (decreased urine production, quantified as less than 400mL per day for adults), body water/fluid disturbances, and electrolyte derangement. I don't know what that means, but it's bad, folks. Also, Turpentine is flammable, but I'm sure you know that, idiots. DON'T DRINK TURPENTINE! Shaved Dwarf Fighting- Great sport or Greatest sport? By: spunkjockey Nothing gets the blood flowing in the morning like watching two sweaty men under 4 feet tall just rubbing their shaved skin up against each other. This, my friends is the basis of the sport of sports; Shaved Dwarf Fighting. The new sensation is rapidly gaining a huge hardcore following. Of all the franchises participating in the sport the SSMF (Silky Skinned Midget Federation) is the leading group in midget entertainment. I managed to get a hold of famed fighter Tiny Joe. When asked about why he loves it so much he replied with, “I just love the feel of a buff man grabbing at my body trying to pin me to the ground.” Wow…that is intense. Although it has come a long way from its origins SDF still hits tons of controversy. The CLLP (Coalition for Liberating Little People) is an avid enemy of SDF. When asked for comment they replied, “Dwarves should not be exploited!” I asked Joe what he thought of all this and when I brought up the subject he became quite upset. “We’re just a bunch of midgets trying to do what we love. It is horrible that there are people trying to destroy our way of life. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t feel man sweat on my body anymore.” Powerful stuff folks. That concludes our enlightening look into the world of Shaved Dwarf Fighting. All that talk about sweaty men and little people has gotten me aroused. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pleasure myself in a tube sock. Good day! Sophistry Secretly Hulk Hogan? The Terrible Truth of a Leg-dropping moderator By: SwimOdin In a shocking discovery today, it was made apparent that the moderator known as Sophistry was in fact living a double life as the former world heavyweight champion Hulk Hogan. A source close to The Daily Fapper reports that Hulk Hogan goes by the real name of Terry Bollea. This reporter immediately saw the connection between the two enigmatic personalities. Terry Bollea? What does that sound like? Taking off the E and A at the end of the name, you get Terry Boll. Aha! Terry Boll = Terrible! When reached for comment, Sophistry replied, "Train...say your prayers...take vitamins and believe in yourself!" There remain many questions to ask, such as why his habit of saying "brother" every other word hasn't revealed itself in his posting style, and when The Hulkster learned how to use a computer. More on this terrible story as it develops. Loss of Self Awareness Awareness is lost to self when the self loses awereness to self This is due to the fact a reason causes the self to become unaware of itself Scientists are currently on the move to make the self more aware, unfortunately the self has caused them to become unaware of themselves So pretty much your arse is going to be protected and/or controlled by robots controlled by the military/police force or self controlled, programmed by scientists and directed by the government -When considering this you might not be aware of your own effect on this situation (which may be good, neutral, bad or something else I did not include) Either way, you might not want to hear this but your gunna have to change something -Aka: Allow the military to go on strike/provide for rogue scientists that do not want to continue to work for a potentially corrupt government For when the day comes our government is 100% corrupt.... what will happen? Self awareness will totally help you out.......... .....maybe...................... gl hf nc -Starcraft (good luck have fun no cheaters)The War ReportBy: Kagome_Naked Great progress was made today, as General Comrad lead his troops in to Pod 6 (also known as The Rants Empire). Commanders psycho_raven and Inuyashaboy05 quickly captured the province of The Haters/Complainers Thread. However at the same time, a ragtag group of Babblonians lead by Markoff_Cheney attempted to infiltrate Incoherent Babblon. They were met with lupin_bebop's Indifferent Militia and a fierce battle started, but no sooner had the first posts been flamed, than SwimOdin showed up. Both sides laid down their arms in respect to the traveling holy man, who said only "The day of bacon is nearing." and left. Afterwards, the Babblonians returned to Babblon to try and comprehend the holy man's words, and the Indifferent Militia went back to their duties. In other news, President Nickolai gave amnesty to all banned Rants/IB dual citizens today, except CaliDave43. The President's exact words were: "Ain't no one with that bad grammar gunna be allowed in my country." That's all for this report, but Keep cheering for our troops in Pod 6, they need your support! IB, CAN I HAS NAME CHANGE?Opinion Column By: JadedPoet "Oh my god, you can has InuyashaRedTampon?! Did Nayru change your name InuyashasBongWater420?! I'm so JEALOUS! I'm going to make my own thread to lure the mods into changing mah precious screen name! Kiss mah boots!" You've seen that lately as well, eh? So I have. And frankly, I don't see the point of having your name change, especially if it's only going to inspire the masses to come rushing to the land of mods and kissing butt JUST to get a screen name change. More to the point, do the mods appreciate you kissing their sweaty buttocks all the time? Do you enjoy the fact that you somehow believe that you have a better screen name change then others and are willing to shove it all up their phaises? That'd get kinda tiring, dudes. I mean, I can totally see the fun of having your name changed a few times, y'know? That's kinda the point of posting in IB. Light-hearted humor, expels flatus jokes, brotherhood amongst fellow IB'ers etc etc. But after awhile, everything starts to get a bit redundant, a little too serious, and [dare I say] monotonous. It also breeds a sort of jealousy and petty strife amongst the users. Especially when the mod decides to stop changing names in his/her thread and the user is too late to anything about it. Or when the user feels their name change is kinda lame and they feel like other peeps have better screen name changes. They also feel kinda left out, which flames into full blown envy, and then in turn goes into full-blown petty feuds. OH MY GOD DEWDS, DRAMA. Red alert! I mean, really, do people just come to IB to get all serious business on each other [and themselves].. just for a stupid screen name change thread? LOOK GUYZ I HAS THE KEWLEST SCREEN NAME AND MY E-PEEN IS THE SIZE OF INTERWEBS COMBINED! LOVE ME!!! OK?! Lighten up, folks.The Mopar & Conan ShowStarring: Mopar & Conan Tuttle1 On Pig SlaughtersBy: Tuttle01 Pig slaughtering is bad, mmmkay. The baconater is not your friend, mmmkay. It makes you fat and greasy, just like the piggy that was ripped limb from limb to feed your fat hole, Mmmkay. Remember that movie, Deliverance? Well imagine that guy squealing every time you bite into that sausage bisquit in the morning, Mmmkay. The most un-kosher meat comes out of the pig. It's slaughtered with dirty pitchforks and whatnot. Like a rusty meat grinder, mmmkay. Slaughtering pigs is bad. It's as bad as bad can get. And you'll regret it all when you have to pop that first zit. When you go from pork to beef, you'll feel a slight relief as you heart shuts down and your bowels of brown run down your pants thanks to beef. Don't eat pork, mmkay?TOO LONG; DIDN'T READ? The disturbing literary trend in the youth of America. A serious article from a serious man. You may have noticed it, or you may have been guilty of it, as well. Even if you haven't experienced it, the problem is out there, and a cure seems to be far off. What am I talking about, you ask? I am speaking of... illiteracy. The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language 4th Ed. describes illiteracy as; "The condition of being unable to read and write." However, this answer is merely a generalized one. It doesn't take a High School graduate to read a sign, a bulletin, or an advertisement, and with the rise of communications technology even the English language as a whole has undergone a grand simplification. There no longer is a requirement to know the various 'twos', nor it it important to differenciate "your" from "you're." While the internet can shoulder some of the blame for this generations apathy towards literature, it should not be accredited for the entirety. The root of the problem might actually be found in our public schooling system, in an article written for Newswithviews.com by Joel Turtel entitled "How Public Schools Can Ruin Your Child's Life" he quoted the annual report of the New York State Education Department: "In 2002, the New York State Education Department's annual report on the latest reading and math scores for public school students found: * 90 percent of middle schools failed to meet New York State minimum standards for math and English exam scores. * 65 percent of elementary schools flunked the minimum standards. * 84 percent of high schools failed to meet the minimum state standards. * More than half of New York City's black and hispanic elementary school students failed the state's English and math exams. About 30 percent of white and asian-american students failed to achieve the minimum English test scores. * The results for eighth grade students were even worse. Here, 75 percent of black and hispanic students flunked both the English and the math tests. About 50 percent of white and Asian-American eighth graders failed the tests. These illiteracy rates are now common in public schools across America, not just in New York City." Even more startling, from Kati Haycock and Sandra Huang's, "Are Today's High School Graduates Ready?" It was revealed that by age 17, only about 1 in 17 seventeen year olds can read and gain information from specialized text, for example the science section in the local newspaper. This includes; 1 in 12 White 17 year olds, 1 in 50 Latino 17 year olds, and 1 out of 100 African American 17 year olds. Needless to say this study covers all 17 year olds, from the nerdy DnD club, to the hot, semi-naked jailbait cheerleaders that you'd see at school. It's pointless, however, to stand around placing blame. What we should be doing is finding a 'cure' to this horrible epidemic. Some say that 'the public schools need to get their acts together', or that 'parents must show their kids more discipline', and most commonly; 'Popular media and the internet are spoiling our childrens' minds!" All of which may be true. But the only real cure is the will to change within the children themselves. So kids, if you're reading this... then you're fine. However, if you typed tI;dr, than I implore you to read a book.The rising number of obese children browsing the internet(a.k.a. Fat kids going online for pr0n) By: Spaz432 Day in, day out, fat kids constantly jumping online to post on forums and chat with others, claiming they have a social life to their parents who sigh and turn their heads, not willing to bother arguing. That's pretty much how it is with the little garbage disposals only a mother could legally be required to love until they can be thrown out and forced to scavange on their own at 16. The internet has been a rising attraction to the younger generation due to various media, online games, music, anime, etc and has caused many to form and depend on an online social life normally due to outside influences, whether it be bullying or not being able to fit in. These are the type of kids who normally grow into a 250 lbs fat guy in their mother's basement who invites his 30 year old buddies to come play some Dungeons & Dragons....which should be prevented as early as possible. The so called wise older generation has allowed online technology and television to raise their children due to their own inabilities as parents, perhaps being too young or too old and, quite frankly, is quite pathetic. All you retards with children need to listen up: MAKE YOUR KIDS PLAY OUTSIDE ONCE IN A WHILE! I don't care if you have to throw them out their bedroom window onto your Ford underneath, just get them out there and have them interact with other people. Once they discover that outside world, not only will they be able to get ahead with lives and develop a strong social group with people they can trust and depend on when they grow beyond your care, I'll actually respect you enough not to come over to your house with a rabid weasel and slip it into your bed while you sleep. Get those kids outside and don't let them live the rest of their life as themselves and not an extension of some crappy '70s sitcom they happend to come across and love on TV.The IB Times Advice ColumnRussian TeaAdvice By: JadeFighter The IB Times Advice Column Russian Tea Written by JadeFighter Dear Jade, How come people don't like me? iamChickenfoot Dear foot, You smell like rooster crap. Jade Dear Jade, Why has kidney yet to be unbanned. bigbubba1 Dear Bubba, Work on your tenses. Other than that, it's probably because they know he'll do whatever they banned him for again. Knowing kidney, they're right. Jade Dear Jade, Okay okay, so so all the stores in town have stopped stocking Snapple, and and I am seriously freaking RIGH THE **BLEEP**OUT RIGHT NOW, okay? And and, and I keeping going to the stores, but none of them--NONE OF THEM!!!!--have any Snapple, right? So, so my question is, WHAT DO I DO!! Sincerely, SnappleMan Dear Snap, Simple... They ran out of snapple facts. There's nothing good anymore... What the hell are they gonna put under there? The only thing left is stuff like; "There are no weapons of mass destruction." and "Queen Latifah is a lesbian." I'm not surprised that they've decided to pull it. Jade Dear Jade, "Russian tea?" Wtf, you f-in racist! EvilsergE Dear sergE, Stfu, you smelly immigrant. Jade Dear Jade, As a Russian, I have to wonder... What exactly do you mean by "Russian Tea"? Noroiko Dear Russian, It means I like my Russians like I like my tea.~.^ Light and Aromatic. Jade Dear Jade, Do you think big boobs will outweigh anything? You can poke an eye out with them, I tested it. Eta_11 Dear Etas, Of course! Why else would they be big? Suffocation, eye injury and traps? So many uses. Jade Dear Jade, Why do you put up with patty? We both know he is a turtleneck wear- ing gay. He is beneath you. dian Dear Dian, Have you ever done charity work? ...Yeah, its like that. Jade Dear Jade, When should I marry my girlfriend? Batz Dear Batz, When you find one thats legal. Jade Dear Jade, Do you love me? Tres_Iqus Dear Kidney, No. Jade Dear Jade, Why does daddy love mommy with his pelvis? and sometimes his fist? Billy age 4 (SupremePie) Dear Billy, Because your mom is a Strumpet... And your daddy drinks too much. You're also adopted. 1800Saveachild Dear Jade, Is it alright to date your girlfriends sisters? thefirestarter Dear Firestarter, That's how you got your screen name, isn't it? Jade Dear Jade, I found a growth on a tender part of my body. So my question is; Blowtorch or Hatchet? SIN_Pride Dear Sin, Those won't work on Breastes Cancer. Jade Mwahaha. And fin. Thanks for actually getting the issue out, Pats. Btw, you should really start paying me. Your faithful employee Edited June 1, 2023 by LoverDemon 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 New research has emerged about Turpentine since that article was written. It’s totally drinkable. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katt_goddess Posted June 1, 2023 Share Posted June 1, 2023 The entire 'vents' series as seen in the IB Times... Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raptorpat Posted June 2, 2023 Share Posted June 2, 2023 holy smokes I totally remember doing that interview! I felt so out of my league and also had no idea how to conduct an interview. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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