J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I can't find any book that actually compels me to read it, Or almost any manga (other than One Punch Man) And Almost no TV Show compels me to watch it. Life lost its meaning. Maybe it's everyone else's nosiness and cynicism Or maybe all the cool stuff in my life already happened. I don't know how to manage feelings like this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Take a long break from everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 I'm depressed in a Trent Reznor way This may make me sound like a narcissist, but it's true, the only writing I want to read is my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Sounds like you need some responsibilities in your life if you think it's over from entertainment overload. Establish a routine. How has your job hunt been going anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 10 minutes ago, bnmjy said: Sounds like you need some responsibilities in your life if you think it's over from entertainment overload. Establish a routine. How has your job hunt been going anyway? I really only focus on one thing at a time. I was looking for a job, yes, but something else came up. I'm interviewing to get approved as a tenant for an apartment. But the waiting. Maybe that's it. The suspense of waiting to see if I qualify as a tenant in an apartment home. I'm so close to finally moving away from my family (that I hate) for good and living alone finally, but the waiting process is just nerve-wracking. My life is changing drastically My mom passed away on January 13, And my boss who was going to help me potentially make five to seven figure paychecks basically fired me, and now I'm moving and other important things are happening, but should I bring up positive things? You might notice I'm only writing about my present situation, and not bringing up any of my life history. Good riddance. Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 You seemed so earnest last time about the job search. Maybe try it again. No real reason why you can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) I pretty much decided I'd look for a job after I move.... I'm starting to hate opportunities. I'm always forced to shut my mouth about them. I can never talk about big opportunities in my life because that would mean someone out there could endanger and sabotage the opportunities in my life some way. I hate not being able to talk about things and being forced to keep my mouth shut because apparently when you do big things that 's what you need to do to stay safe. Not talking about my current and near-future achievements and circumstances is hell depressing. But apparently, this is how it's done in business. But ever since Bryan Johnston, it's no longer safe to discuss things on a computer that could influence the future. Le'ts just say I have a lot of enemies and saboteurs in my life, in the media, and they're no joke. Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 what business are you involved with? politics? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said: what business are you involved with? politics? Publishing currently...But one could say there are a lot of Industry Politics in foreign publishing. I'm working on my first professional publishing project where there's more than just one person (me) involved. I'm working with an internationally renowned illustrator-cartoonist in a foreign publishing industry. He's worked with numerous international publishers before. And that's about as much as I'll say about that. It just kind of feels like a big deal to me. I might never get this kind of opportunity again. There's no guarantee I'd get another chance. Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Well, the outline is already finished, and the artist has enough script from, to go forward with the project currently. So signs point to yes overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 7 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: Publishing currently...But one could say there are a lot of Industry Politics in foreign publishing. I'm working on my first professional publishing project where there's more than just one person (me) involved. I'm working with an internationally renowned illustrator-cartoonist in a foreign publishing industry. He's worked with numerous international publishers before. And that's about as much as I'll say about that. It just kind of feels like a big deal to me. I might never get this kind of opportunity again. There's no guarantee I'd get another chance. sounds like a very cut throat industry wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) It's not easy. It's just, it's kind of a big deal, my innovation finally gets showcased, I'm one of the first writers to ever publish in that non-Japanese country who isn't just some modern classic comic book auteur's work being reprinted, like a Frank Miller, Bill Watterson, or Todd McFarlane (they're all pretty big in that market). It's just, it could open up a whole new publishing industry, but being a pioneer of the industry, I have to be on my best behavior, because I'm the pioneer who's setting the example. It's kind of like being an explorer, but with publishing overseas. Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 ah gotcha. yeah i can understand why you trying to be super careful about your approach. yeah thats very stressful then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said: ah gotcha. yeah i can understand why you trying to be super careful about your approach. yeah thats very stressful then. It's all the stress and pressure of doing important things that could bring about a lot of change, in my life, in my career, in the industry, in world publishing. There's never really a point where you can smugly wag your finger at the world around you. Is stress depressing? Does stress cause depression? I don't know, honestly, I feel like the American publishing industry burnt me so bad that I have no choice but to publish work overseas. I get a much better more positive vibe from Europe. I just feel like my literary work doesn't even fit in anywhere with American Publishing, well anymore anyway. If nothing else, at least my anxiety is justified in some way. It's not the success that's the problem. It's if I fail that's the problem, Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 yeah stress can cause depression. especially when all your decisions you make can have big effects on your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 1 hour ago, bnmjy said: Sounds like you need some responsibilities in your life if you think it's over from entertainment overload. Establish a routine. How has your job hunt been going anyway? -1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said: yeah stress can cause depression. especially when all your decisions you make can have big effects on your life. Yeah, these changes have a lot of influence over my life. My career, my network, my finances, my lifestyle. I'll have a lot more freedom, but I'll be responsible for a lot of stuff. I feel like I have more responsibility in my actions, and that's not normally the case.., Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Death_is_coming Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 I feel that same way. Usually taking a break from social media helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Death_is_coming said: I feel that same way. Usually taking a break from social media helps. I use offline apps. Do you mean comps in general? OR just social media? I'm also moving because it's too stressful living with other people. Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Death_is_coming Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Just now, J.M. Matthews said: I use offline apps. Do you mean comps in general. OR just social media? I'm also moving because it's too stressful living with other people. Why are they stressing you out ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 6 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: Yeah, these changes have a lot of influence over my life. My career, my network, my finances, my lifestyle. I'll have a lot more freedom, but I'll be responsible for a lot of stuff. I feel like I have more responsibility in my actions, and that's not normally the case.., when life gets to the point where it feels like that, i would start looking for help and reach out. taking a break and evaluating your situation and figure out what you want. idk cant help you much more than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) . Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Death_is_coming said: Why are they stressing you out ? How do I hate thee. Let me count the ways They keep violating my Wi-Fi bounaries. Just because they live in the same house, they think they're entitled to know everything I do in private. They can't go one day without screaming and shouting at each other for dozens of minutes on end, if not hours on end They're taken over my dad's house (where I've been) They like to throw their weight around. But yeah, mostly being forced to listen to all their shouting and screaming all day and evening, EVERY dfay. They'd destructive, mean, domineering, and pushy, to the extreme. Not only am I constantly reminded by their presence alone that I never got married and had kids like my adoptive brother did, i have to deal with his horrible family every day of my life. I've been wanting to leave these people in the dust for a LONG Time. They're loud, obnoxious, sociopathic, disruptive, destructive, mean, and rude. Well, that and the mom and dad are just downright bigoted religiously-inspired delusional unmotivated psychopaths. Worst roommates in the WORLD! Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Death_is_coming Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 1 hour ago, J.M. Matthews said: How do I hate thee. Let me count the ways They keep violating my Wi-Fi bounaries. Just because they live in the same house, they think they're entitled to know everything I do in private. They can't go one day without screaming and shouting at each other for dozens of minutes on end, if not hours on end They're taken over my dad's house (where I've been) They like to throw their weight around. But yeah, mostly being forced to listen to all their shouting and screaming all day and evening, EVERY dfay. They'd destructive, mean, domineering, and pushy, to the extreme. Not only am I constantly reminded by their presence alone that I never got married and had kids like my adoptive brother did, i have to deal with his horrible family every day of my life. I've been wanting to leave these people in the dust for a LONG Time. They're loud, obnoxious, sociopathic, disruptive, destructive, mean, and rude. Well, that and the mom and dad are just downright bigoted religiously-inspired delusional unmotivated psychopaths. Worst roommates in the WORLD! You should have left a long time ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) 57 minutes ago, Death_is_coming said: You should have left a long time ago. That kind of ended up my lot in life, being forced to live with my least favorite family members, for long periods of time. But maybe, just maybe with some luck, that could be ending. I have just one interview next week until I pass and can start moving my stuff in to the empty apartment. Edited March 12, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 well, watching my favorite streams helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drunkenwarrior Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 You ever tried going outside Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Well, I'd like to, sometimes I do, but my neighborhood is not the safest. It's got bullies and drug dealers lurking about the streets. Kind of a ghetto these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted March 12, 2018 Author Share Posted March 12, 2018 Well, I"m feeling better now, I think it was just a mood swing from my bipolar. It happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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