Figured out a new way to wipe my ass

[NewBluntsworth]

Apparently this already exists, as Google readily shows me. But I had no idea. 

Are you ready? Here it is. 

I've started spitting big drops of saliva onto toilet paper before wiping. 

Here is my process : I go #2, I tear off some TP, fold it up and then drool out a big drop or two of saliva onto the middle of the contact square.

I wet the TP. Works so much better. Don't believe me? Wipe dry until the paper looks clean and you're satisfied, then wipe again with wetted TP. 

You'll have to wipe again, and again. 

Almost like you should have just wiped wet the first time. 

It feels good and I like it.

Anyway, you're welcome. That is all. 

[NewBluntsworth]

Oh and before any big-time consoomer heads barge in here saying they've been using wet wipes for years, those things are terrible for the environment (even worse than TP) and are wreaking hell and havoc on the collective plumbing infrastructure we all rely on to carry our turds away, they are plastic consumer products that do not break down, only clog up. 

Also saliva is a natural analgesic and contains antibacterial properties, much better for applying to the most sensitive parts of your body than the sterilizing chemical irritants found on a wet wipe. 

Natural wetness, for your health. 

 

[discolé monade]

[Insipid]

You know, hippies smell like shit.