Mix

And every day was the same.

And nothing you did mattered.

The Pope died. 

31 minutes ago, Insipid said:

It's ok. Syphilis is curable and you won't be permanently deferred. Try again next year. It is a selfless thing to do. This once happened to fuggs.

You gave Fuggs syphilis?

35 minutes ago, discolé monade said:

 

I was googling 'Breaking Bad blood donation episode'

This makes more sense

51 minutes ago, Mode 7 said:

Who knew vampires would be so picky 

Vampires aren't real. If they were, we would know.

You have any idea how insane you would become living that long.

Insane people can't keep secrets.

27 minutes ago, discolé monade said:

ok, that is , and please don't be offended, but that is comedy gold. 

you give blood, recluctantly, only to have it given back. 

then only thing better is if there had been some intense debate on the reason why you need to give blood. 

also, notably, one of my favorite ep of BB

and finally, i dont' even know if i can give blood. i stopped trying after 2003-4, anthrax vaccine. i still kept getting denied.

Why would I be offended?

This is all a joke.

I mean both this thread and life in general.

I'm just kidding.

Except about the crying in the car part, but that's a regular thing I do regardless of the days events.

Actually, I gave blood and went to get drinks.

That turned out to be a bad idea, one thing led to another and now I'm at the hospital where they are, you won't  believe this, giving me my own blood.

Crazy, right?

How's your day going?

The friend group went to this blood drive.

I didn't even want to go. I was guilted into it.

I get there and they wouldn't take my blood. 

I ask why.

The lady said they don't take sad blood.

I told her that's not a thing.

She said it's a personal policy and I "better get my sad ass on somewhere."

Now i'm crying in the car, sadder than ever.

1 hour ago, molarbear said:

We recently discussed this in a class

larger people have an even more difficult time finding organs if they have organ issues because normal organs can't keep up with their larger body

That former NBA player (scott something, he was on Survivor) had this issue

 

Exactly.

It's only a matter of time.

(Insert evil laugh)

7 minutes ago, 1pooh4u said:

The only person that calls me is my uncle and that’s from prison but even then I only answer about half the time. I don’t like talking on the phone 

You can ignore calls from prison?

I feel like that's the call you GOTTA take.

What if he's going to get shanked in the yard because he saw something he shouldn't and he can't tell the guards because they're in on it. You are his last hope. You gotta get to the Warden before it all goes down. Only, you figure out too late that the Warden is the mastermind. He's been in bed with the cartels since '88 and he's planning to...wait...did you say uncle? Why did I read that as brother? Nah, that guys not your problem. 

1 hour ago, 1pooh4u said:

When family members call you because everyone knows to just text. I speak to people so infrequently because I text and associate actual calls with emergencies 😬🫠

anyone else like this? 

Yeah

Ain't it great

Imagine how stupid we'd look, ignorant of the cliffs edge we're living our lives on

No, this is better

24 minutes ago, Mode 7 said:

23 minutes ago, [classic swim] said:

Just have a backup plan is all.

That “gracious celebratory event” because her mom and dad believe Cogswell Cogs asked Abraham to kill the son of Isaac was really just a reason for dumb bitches to drink fruity non real beers at a Greek restaurant at your expense.

Don’t put a ring on it because she might not like the way your shoes smell one day and your life is fucking overrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Lol, I know right.

Hey, I got a fun idea.

Let's both call a friend and ask them to come check on us. 

6 hours ago, UwPp said:

I'm only 5'1. I dated a guy that was 6'2. 

He left me to go back to his heroine addict baby moms. After telling my entire family he's going to marry me. 

Now I'm spoiled by a 5'6 guy. 

 

SHORT KINGS ARE KINGS TOO. 

23 minutes ago, discolé monade said:

i'm 5'8"

i tried dating a couple guys that were shorter than me...and it was fun...

much like a sit n spin is fun. it's good for a few go arounds...but eventually you fall off. 

I'm 5'11" and a half.

A half inch from the promised land. (That's what she said) (haha, no but seriously I could use a half inch all over)

10 hours ago, [classic swim] said:

I’m glad I don’t have to think about her every single day like I used to.

On some level it’s fucked only because it felt like she owned me for so long, but she’ll divorce and marry and divorce again while I’m the sucker that gets to keep all my shit from a court order. Good luck with that house because you’ll need it.

That's right!

Houses suck!

All that upkeep is a headache.

Cardboard boxes are the way to go.

I rushed over to delete this as soon as I remembered I posted it, but this actually isn't that bad.

This is fine. 🔥 

Just funny enough not to be pathetic. (Title of my autobiography?)

lmao, no but for real there is a point when you are comparing yourself to the next guy and he's legitimately better than you in every way and you're like, "did she leave me for the guy I wanted to be in life?"

No worries.

She'll be back.

There is no future with that guy.

He has the life expectancy of a large dog.

I can wait him ou...I mean you can wait him out.......you can............................ she's gone

24 minutes ago, naraku360 said:

They promised to mow it, but they just beat me up instead.

Foreplay is a lost art

1 hour ago, naraku360 said:

I've been told my ass is grass.

Squats will help with that.

1 minute ago, scoobdog said:

But... they don't seem to be repulsed by the things we would expect them to be repulsed by...

lmao, yeah, but that's on us.

We underestimated the Amish and overestimated the evangelicals.

11 hours ago, The_annoying_one said:

Is that why people always tell me to go touch grass?

Next time they tell you that, ask them what type.

11 hours ago, molarbear said:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amish_romance

It does not appear so, Jim

 

 

"Written be evangelical christian women" 

"Amish are repulsed"

I really wanted this to be something the Amish were getting into, but this is better.