Intervention is a crazy show.

[Skiles]

I know it's the whole point, but that whole show is a roller coaster. Sometimes I find myself rooting against the subject. Which is shitty, I know, but that's the fucked up part of addiction, man. It turns you into a real piece of shit. It's a mindfuck that can't adequately be explained to someone who's never gone through it. If you don't understand what it's like to be an addict, it's perfectly reasonable to think, "Wow, fuck this guy. He's an asshole. I don't care if he's addicted to this substance. That's no excuse to treat people this way." And by the way, you're absolutely right. There is no excuse. We are shitty human beings when we are in the throws of our addiction.

It definitely serves as a good reminder of where I've been, and more importantly, who I've been. And the idea that I could be (and have been) that guy is so horrifying that it makes me never, ever want to go back to that life. It took me a long time to regain the trust of my family. My sister has every reason in the world to never allow me to be in her son's life. But eventually, she trusted me. And now I routinely take care of my nephew. She trusts me, not just to be around him, but to guard him. She leaves him with me. She trusts me with his fucking life, dude. That means everything to me.

I know this went to a weirdly personal place, but this is how I feel. This is real shit in my life. You guys have seen me go through some dark places. You've seen me play a victim. You've seen me complain about how my family has treated me, despite the fact that they were acting with common sense, of which I had none at the time. You've seen me threaten suicide. Actually, some of you have roasted me about that. I don't mind. Do what you want. But I take so much pride in who I've become. I'm not perfect. Not even close. But that's why I feel like I can give so much to my nephew. I don't ever want him to feel like he's alone if he should ever go through similar things to what I went through. I hope to "God" that he never does. I hope that aspect of his genetics never applies to him, but I don't know that it will, or that it won't. But God damn it, I want to be there for him if he does. Or even if he goes through some other weird shit that he feels like he can't talk to his parents about. I want him to look at me as someone he can trust. That's everything to me.