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W.A.K.O radio comedy (Dysfunctional Titans, ep. 3)


1938 Packard

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“One early morning at Titan Towers, Robin and Beast Boy were puzzling over why the CD player wouldn’t work.

 

Robin:

 

“I just don’t get it.  Everything else works.”

 

Beast Boy:

 

“Yeah, it’s turned on, it takes the disks, but there’s no sound.”

 

Robin: 

 

“Bummer.  This will be another forty bucks wasted.”

 

Raven:  **floats in**

 

“I bet I know what’s wrong.  Cyborg was testing his new MP3 deck yesterday.”  **Pulls cd player from the shelf** I see.  Just plug this in here, this in here and that should do it.  **Pops in cd**

 

Beast Boy:

 

“Hey, Robin and I were just going to play…”

 

Raven:

 

“I fixed it, so I want to hear MY music for a few minutes, ok?”

 

**CD player pipes up with Gemini’s “She’s A Lady.”

In time with the music, Raven is dancing and gyrating on the coffee table like a professional pole dancer.**

 

Robin: 

“I had no idea she could dance like that.  She looks almost…  HOT!”

 

Beast Boy:

 

“Dude!  You don’t have to tell me about it.  I can see it.

 

**Raven throws off cape**

 

Beast Boy:

 

“Great new outfit, too!”

 

**Song finishes**

 

Raven:

 

**Grabs Beast Boy and pulls him toward the elevatror**

 

“Come on, Beast Boy!  Let’s take this party to the roof.  You can do that sassy thing with your tentacles and your bear teeth.”

 

Beast Boy: 

 

“Umm, Pink Raven, is that you?”

 

Raven:

 

“I’m ALL the Ravens today!”

 

**Elevator slams shut**

 

Robin:

 

**Finds Cyborg upstairs**

 

“Umm, Cyborg.  Have you noticed anything peculiar about Raven today?”

 

Cyborg:

 

“Like what?  She actually smiled at something this morning if that’s what you mean.”

 

Robin:

 

“Actually she’s… well, look at the roof right now.”

 

Cyborg: **Looks at roof with wrist monitor**

 

“Whoa!  This is some freaky alternate reality, isn’t it?”

 

Robin:

 

“I’m afraid not.  Wait, where’s the rest of Raven’s outfit?”

 

Starfire:  **Steps out of bathroom wearing a big, luxurious cotton robe.**

 

“Oh!  Friends!  Happy Blimfwabble!”  **Throws arms around Robin and kisses him**

 

Cyborg:

 

“Blimfwabble?”

 

Startfire:  “It’s the twenty year Tamaranian festival of mind, body and friendship!  All of Tamaran is rojoicing, one and all!”  **Kisses Robin again**

 

Robin: 

 

“So, you’re not mad anymore about the…”

 

Starfire:

 

“Shhhh!  This is a day when all is to be forgiven in the name of friendship.”

 

Robin:

 

“Well, in that case I’ll let the cat out of the bag and confess that I was only trying to use Heidi to make you jealous.”

 

Starfire:

 

“It’s been known to me all this time.  Now come.  We shall go to my palace on Tamaran.”  **Grabs Robin and flys toward the space ship**

 

Cyborg:  **Mumbles to self**

“Great!  Everybody’s having a good time but me.  I hate when it’s my week to clean the rooms.  **Picks up vaccuum and goes into Starfire’s room**

Hmm, at least she didn’t have any lemonade last night.  No peels or broken glasses on the floor.  I’ll just make the bed and leave the rest.  Who’s gonna know?  What the…  Blue hair on Starfire’s’s pillow?  She and Raven didn’t just…  No, no.  It couldn’t be!  What’s this?  **Picks up USB memory stick**

 

**Phone rings**

 

Answering machine:

 

“Cyborg, This Rosie from the Jetson Residence.  Did I really win a free software upgrade?”

 

Cyborg:  **lecherous thoughts**

 

“Starfire had this planned just right!” 

 

**Leers at memory stick**

 

Narrator:  And so, there were no heroic activities by the Dysfunctional Titans today.”

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