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Bouvre

New short story of mine is up.

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It was good, but I wanted more.

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Did Harrison's dead wife create this escape room before she died?

Was it triggered by someone new being in his bed?

No one seemed concerned that they woke up there

I liked the story, I just have questions now, lol 

 

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2 hours ago, 1pooh4u said:

Did Harrison's dead wife create this escape room before she died?

Spoiler

Nope!

Quote

Was it triggered by someone new being in his bed?

Spoiler

No, but I do have my reasons for including that detail. 

Quote

No one seemed concerned that they woke up there

Spoiler

Vahid was certainly confused (though he certainly sets that aside to help quickly) and I preferred Harrison jumping directly into it, knowing exactly what to do. It felt a more apt reflection of his emotional state regarding that final night with rebecca, failing to complete the escape room.

Quote

I liked the story, I just have questions now, lol

Thanks for reading! :)

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3 hours ago, fuggstop said:

Over my head. 

Thanks for reading anyway!

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3 hours ago, mthor said:

It was good, but I wanted more.

I always try to give more in each story

But through less.

Certainly isn't easy.

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Just now, Bouvre said:

I always try to give more in each story

But through less.

Certainly isn't easy.

Well, I have to congratulate you - I was invested enough in Harrison to want to keep following and eventually see him resolve his grief ( or not). That's got to be hard to do in such a short piece.

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That was enjoyable! I’m always impressed with anyone who has the ability to write fiction, let alone put it into the world for others to read. Thanks for sharing with us! 

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Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Bouvre said:
  Reveal hidden contents

Nope!

  Reveal hidden contents

No, but I do have my reasons for including that detail. 

  Reveal hidden contents

Vahid was certainly confused (though he certainly sets that aside to help quickly) and I preferred Harrison jumping directly into it, knowing exactly what to do. It felt a more apt reflection of his emotional state regarding that final night with rebecca, failing to complete the escape room.

Thanks for reading! :)

I really enjoyed the theme of the escape room.

Rebecca, I found it interesting that a dying person would have an escape room bucket list.  Did Rebecca know for sure she was going to die?  Were the escape rooms her vehicle for escaping a situation for which she knew there was none?  Like did she want to have control over something because she no longer had a lot of time left in life. Is that why she cried when she failed to escape the zombie room?

Was Harrison trying to escape from his grief?  Vahid from a regrettable fuck?

I also liked the emotional feel of the story and its vibe.  Almost like this could've all been a dream, that unsure state between sleep and being awake and even though the characters weren't overly concerned with their plight, I certainly felt that panic of being in a strange place and not even awake yet, lol.  that feeling quickly dissipated once they escaped and then I was left with the profound sadness of Rebecca and the loneliness of Harrison.

Edited by 1pooh4u
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16 minutes ago, 1pooh4u said:

I really enjoyed the theme of the escape room.

Rebecca, I found it interesting that a dying person would have an escape room bucket list.  Did Rebecca know for sure she was going to die?  Were the escape rooms her vehicle for escaping a situation for which she knew there was none?  Like did she want to have control over something because she no longer had a lot of time left in life. Is that why she cried when she failed to escape the zombie room?

Was Harrison trying to escape from his grief?  Vahid from a regrettable fuck?

I also liked the emotional feel of the story and its vibe.  Almost like this could've all been a dream, that unsure state between sleep and being awake and even though the characters weren't overly concerned with their plight, I certainly felt that panic of being in a strange place and not even awake yet, lol.  that feeling quickly dissipated once they escaped and then I was left with the profound sadness of Rebecca and the loneliness of Harrison.

Spoiler

 

Rebecca is terminally ill, so she does know. It's also why Harrison offers her anything, and expects something more extravagent like traveling abroad. It's not entirely clear because I wanted to build to the reveal, but her fatigue throughout is indicative of her worsened state. 

I really love reading interpretations and conversation, so I'm hesitant to answer the one about her crying. It was meant to be more about how she knew this was her last night, though I hadn't considered how what she "conquered and loved" gave her purpose and inspired her, even I'm the face of death, so it's an entirely valid and author-supported reading.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, garbagepailcat said:

That was enjoyable! I’m always impressed with anyone who has the ability to write fiction, let alone put it into the world for others to read. Thanks for sharing with us! 

This piece got rejected from many places, but that's the expectation. However, some of my favorite journals (Adroit, Passages North) were excited about it and invited me personally to submit more, so I decided I wouldn't give up until it found a good home.

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It was a well constructed story.  I like how subtle the tragic undertone is.

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4 hours ago, scoobdog said:

It was a well constructed story.  I like how subtle the tragic undertone is.

Thanks! I'm a big fan of structure and the various ways it contributes to things like tension/character. I'm grateful you picked up on it. ❤️

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