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Poof

I’ve been abused by lots of women & idk what to do now

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I was about to respond to this, but it appears I made one. But what I wanted to say this time was that our society really messes things up with its perspective of rape/molestation by gender. Where women would have carte blanche to take advantage of a man or trans woman and see nothing of it because “Of course, everyone of the opposite sex wants female attention”. I still think it can be co-opted within Me Too because it’s still abuse within power structures in the industry, male or not. I’d imagine it’s more flagrant in adult film circles because the subject of sex is treated loosely enough that it’d make directors or actors/actresses think they wouldn’t need permission to be sexual with somebody. My last post was me coming clean about my own story, but this should be more on topic with what I should’ve posted before I got caught up in what was on my mind at the time. Hopefully things have gotten easier since then, but I do think it’s something that would be important to mention as unwanted sexual harassment is something created from power structures in the workforce and women in power can easily align themselves with the patriarchal view that people (especially men) want to be sexually harassed because a woman’s desire is sought after. 

Edited by imchapp.in

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5 minutes ago, scoobdog said:

I regret I missed this thread a year ago.  I have a lot to say, but it seems inappropriate to do so now.

How so.  I don't think the subject matter ever curdles, even if #Metoo isn't trending.

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11 minutes ago, Sho Minamimoto said:

How so.  I don't think the subject matter ever curdles, even if #Metoo isn't trending.

I guess I'm a bit reticent because it seems like dredging up a painful topic and (as what Sorce was saying) because of how a man discussing gender neutral power dynamics can come across.  Its a difficult thing to nuance; even in your case, the conditions that led to those women abusing you are at least partly attributed to our patriarchal society and its penchant for defining women in terms of their ability to sexually please their partner(s).  That doesn't justify abuse by any means, but it also can't be divorced from how men have shaped sexual norms.  Hard to describe, but I feel like I could make things worse.

Edited by scoobdog

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2 minutes ago, scoobdog said:

I guess I'm a bit reticent because it seems like dredging up a painful topic and (as what Sorce was saying) because of how a man discussing gender neutral power dynamics can come across.  Its a difficult thing to nuance; even in your case, the conditions that led to those women abusing you are at least partly attributed to our patriarchal society and its penchant for defining women in terms of their ability to sexually please their partner(s).  That doesn't justify abuse by any means, but it also can't be divorced from how men have shaped sexual norms.  Hard to describe, but I feel like I could make things worse.

I've been kind of interest in the paradigm shift between the gender roles.  Like I sympathize with women who have been abused or assaulted, and frankly don't know why they don't come forward....But in my situation, I didn't because (this part I didn't say in this thread) I went over there to objectify, and try to conquest one of those women in particular, so I kinda felt like "well, that's what you get".....

That said, what if the opposite happened....What if one of the girls passed out, and I drunkenly took advantage....I would definitely feel I should be punished, but I couldn't even think of blaming them for what happened to me because me being passed out was my fault (I don't think they drugged me further)....And it's not like I want to now or some shit....I just don't understand why it's different......And in Poof's case, I feel it's way more complicated, because despite her appendage, I have definitely seen women attack other women...I've been to several gay clubs with my sister and I'm like "really, that is how these chicks get down".....

Anyway, I think the entire reason I came into this thread was to clarify the differences, but I too didn't want to seem like I was marginalizing anything.

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1 minute ago, Sho Minamimoto said:

I've been kind of interest in the paradigm shift between the gender roles.  Like I sympathize with women who have been abused or assaulted, and frankly don't know why they don't come forward....But in my situation, I didn't because (this part I didn't say in this thread) I went over there to objectify, and try to conquest one of those women in particular, so I kinda felt like "well, that's what you get".....

That said, what if the opposite happened....What if one of the girls passed out, and I drunkenly took advantage....I would definitely feel I should be punished, but I couldn't even think of blaming them for what happened to me because me being passed out was my fault (I don't think they drugged me further)....And it's not like I want to now or some shit....I just don't understand why it's different......And in Poof's case, I feel it's way more complicated, because despite her appendage, I have definitely seen women attack other women...I've been to several gay clubs with my sister and I'm like "really, that is how these chicks get down".....

Anyway, I think the entire reason I came into this thread was to clarify the differences, but I too didn't want to seem like I was marginalizing anything.

While maybe you feel that you "deserved it" as a way of protecting your position from vulnerability and poof might feel it because she's already vulnerable, the commonality is that both men and women suffer if they are forthright about the abuse they are subjected to.

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This thread was from before I joined, but I remember it. I remember identifying with it because I thought about making a Twitter just to piss off the metoo idiots. 

"When I was in college I lived in a majority female city. My supervisor thought I was a catch and decided to try and set me up with young women from her church. Since Facebook was just beginning it devolved into an unconscionable probe into my life, stalking me at every place outside my house, and workplace harassment to the point i had a nervous breakdown when i had to man up and crash it, and find out how big it was in the process. And all these women that thought they cared for me had not a word to say. #metoo"

But fuck all of them. Lots of people are shit, lots aren't. I'm not sure I can identify the struggle. I have to man up. Poof has to man down. Pansexuals man sideways. People just need to be decent to each other. Being young and dumb is one thing, but there's a line you cross into becoming amoral. There were many people in my experience I saw break away because of morality. Women that knew I didn't need help finding women. Gay men that could immediately tell I wasn't gay. 

Omaha culture is drunk fucking into a relationship. I felt taken advantage of a couple times, but I only use the term rapist in something of a joking connotation. I put myself there, and only once did it feel wrong. I was like, "I'll just make out with her a little and bail." But within two minutes I was naked. But I put myself there, through a series of muddled decisions. That situation, it is what it is to me. It doesn't hurt me because I understand it. I knew that girl had feelings for me forever, but she was okay to talk to and i went to her house. Friendly shit to a drunkard twenty something.

I don't understand plotting behind a person's back. Getting to someone by deception. Taking advantage. Especially in poof's case with that director. It's not cool. She shouldn't have done that. Even with a million despites. "It was porn, she was directing," she wanted to put poof's cock in her mouth.

I always forget where I'm going in these long posts. The point is, most people suck.

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14 minutes ago, stilgar said:

Why would that piss off the people who posted metoo? 

Because most of the metoo movement involves modern feminists that staunchly believe in patriarchy and men controlling everything. As poof said, pointing to women's misbehavior doesn't fall in line with the cause. I have to man up and take it. Which I did. Honestly, it was innocent enough at first, but my boss got frustrated with me because I wasn't biting on her bait. She didn't spend a second thinking that I know what I'm looking for in a woman.

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That's not true.  You can rightly blame the patriarchy and still acknowledge women are capable of being abusers in that framework.

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3 minutes ago, scoobdog said:

That's not true.  You can rightly blame the patriarchy and still acknowledge women are capable of being abusers in that framework.

Beyond extreme power, I feel like claiming patriarchy is a fallacy these days. Women have the ability to claim as much power as men. It is a conditioned thing, but I feel like it's the thing that conditions women to grabbing poof's dick. She'll like it. It got hard, of course she likes it. It's the thing that creates the memes that transgender people are pretending. "They just want the power a woman has." I feel like most people here feel like they speak to a woman when they speak to poof. But many women would say she is an actor, playing the role of woman. Because many feminists play at the idea men and women are no different. But a transgendered person presents the idea our brains our wired differently, which I believe to be true. Through all my interaction with poof, she is a damn woman, just as annoying as the rest of them can be. The one difference in her personality is that she had to grow up In a man's world. Don't cry. Walk it off. Your knee is fine, finish running. I didn't want to say it at first, but transgendered women have it bad. I don't feel like brains are non-gendered. But to say that damages perceptions. 

Women can do anything a man can do. Can they analyze a complex social misgiving absent of any preconceived positions? These are all hard questions. And we all know men say, "fuck everything, bullet point the cause and effect."

Women ask if she was on her period, did the guy find out his wife was cheating on him, did he need medication. Because beyond a woman acting out of character, did the man drive her to do it? We're geared to take fault. But many times we shouldn't. Everyone is accountable. And we should not make exceptions for gender either way.

But we should also accept the consequences of our actions. I really hate to say this. But if a girl buys a bottle of vodka to chug for the night and fucks a football team, she made that choice.

I reread this whole thing and I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. *post*

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It's not a fallacy.  Our society tends to be filtered through the lens of the male perspective, whether it be in terms of work (women deserve to be valued the same as men), social function (women can hold the leadership roles that a man typically holds), sexuality (women have the right to resist the advances of a dominant male), or child rearing (woman can be bread winners to the man's housewife).  It's not a conspiratorial effort by men to suppress women as much as its generations of CIS male dominated societies proving a biased framework to appraise the various inequality issues between all genders. As long as we expect women in leadership positions to lead the way a man would, the bias is fairly self evident.  In the case of sexual misconduct, its worth noting that abusers of all genders do so in the framework of a dominant-versus-submissive sexual relationship, where the dominant party imposes his or her will on the submissive and that's something our societies have "learned" over generations of having men defined by being commanding and controlling figures, and, in of itself, that is not something that is biologically intrinsic to sexual intercourse or intimacy.

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On 1/14/2018 at 12:29 AM, Poof said:

The whole #metoo thing makes me think about it

theres just been lots of times things have happened. Like anytime there’s a group of drunk girls and somebody tells them that I have a big dick. Then it’s open season to sexually misconduct me.

Back when I was in some relationships w/girls their friends and them would touch or pinch me all over. If I said it hurt they’d laugh and say I could take it.

one time that same girl apparently signed me up for a 3some where her and her friend were going to dress up as cops for Halloween and use strap ons on me. I wasn’t told about it until all 3 of us were alone in the bedroom together. Nobody asked me and both of them just started touching & kissing me. Honestly all I wanted to do was hang out and they were super pissy when I didn’t want to do the 3some.

on a porn set a female director was handling my cock to show my costar how to set up the blowjob shot, and out of nowhere the director put my dick in her mouth. I didn’t react but my costar actually gasped which prompted the director to stop, stand up, and exclaim “director’s privilege!” Then we continued filming.

theres more I could go on about. 

But I don’t know who to tell my story to. I feel like everyone would get angry w/me if I brought it up. I’ll just tell u guys I guess. 

how very awful :(

 

you could always tell us your stories and i will always listen and read them. 

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This thread is back. It was based on my reactions to stuff I was reading on twitter. Men are threatening too. Idk I'm not quite sure how it relates exactly to metoo

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1 hour ago, Distortedreasoning said:

so are you saying me too isnt very inclusive? 

When your activist friends get into it w/terfs all the time on twitter it can feel that way

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25 minutes ago, Poof said:

When your activist friends get into it w/terfs all the time on twitter it can feel that way

movement nowadays seem very ineffective and mainly because theres not many of them that connect to other movements. so yeah i kinda agree as well. 

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@Poof I'm so sorry you have had these experiences.  I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry and offer you a long, empathetic hug.  I won't go into a long post about myself but I can relate because I've pretty much been abused by men my whole life.  Men who have bullied me as a child, men who have fetishized me sexually due to my size ("I'll date you but I need to keep it a secret because my friends and family might not accept you because of your weight" and yes, even though this happened a number of times I went along with it because I wanted someone to love me and find me attractive), men who have molested abused and sexually molested me as a child, and, just recently, an ex I thought was my friend, raped me in February of this year.  It seems like my whole life I have been emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, and rejected by men.  Anyway, I don't want to hijack your post but I just want you to know I understand and empathize and if you ever need to talk my inbox is always open.  ((hugs))

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